-HEARTandSOUL

2010-12-31T17:25:00.001+08:00

It's the end of 2010, while typing this I suddenly recalled the time when I were typing this way back in 2009. How fast time flies. Another year passed just like that but with no achievement in life. What a failure I am in life.. No, I still have everyone around me, just like 'you' whom are reading, friends and family not to forget the one giving me support all this while - my lover.

In others' eyes, I might be the bitchy one. But in his eyes, I'm always the perfect one. People may find me heartless or cruel for letting go of the past relationship but I'm really glad that there are friends whom walk up to me and tell me "It's alright, you've the right to pursue what you want in life. After all, you don't deserve all these." Those words really touched my heart. Sometimes in life, an encouragement is all it takes. I know how unreasonable I am, how bad tempered I am, especially after drinks/quarrels yet he's still always there for me no matter how I treated him. I'm not the sweetest girl on Earth, neither will I drown him in caramel but whatever that I've said be it now or before was way deep down from the bottom of my heart.. There are people against us, against our relationship. And for I was someone that couldn't take remarks with high self-esteem, he was often hurt by my weakness. I couldn't bring myself to forgo what I've heard. Friends are always there, telling me to think for my own future, not others' ignorance comments but not everyone can do it. It's hard, seriously.

2011 is coming. Just another 7hours. Here I am, sitting down wondering about my new resolutions. Am not partying tonight. It's such a waste to miss the countdown party tonight but well, no choice. Mum is going for her countdown session so I've gotta look after my kids. Ain't that bad after all. At least we had fun last night, excluding the crying session of course. After drinks at a pub, I've no idea why everyone started their heart-to-heart chat uh. While talking, I can no longer suppress my emotions. Tears started falling and that causes my make up to smudge luh, oh my god! Must have looked very bad over at MBK last night. Aww~

Anyway, back to my new resolutions :

1. Happiness is all around us.
2. Health is with us.
3. Money into pockets.
4. Knowledge in my brains.
5. Above to be fulfill.

p/s - My 'us' refers to everyone around me =) May 2011 be a better year for everyone out there. The chides made me grow, the hurts made me mature. I will learn to cherish everything and be myself!

Last but not least, Happy New Year !

"We had fun, we had joy"

Zen&Len

Christmas - 2010

2010-12-28T03:17:00.008+08:00

Boom! Bet everyone is in the holiday mood already, especially New Year Countdown after Christmas. 28 of December, just right to wish a Belated Christmas and an Early New year to every single of you being with me throughout all these while!

Didn't really had much fun during Christmas but I guess it beats better than staying home doing nothing? Again, it's drink drank drunk. The only enjoyment is that I get to meet up with all my closed ones after such a long time. We might not talk much, we might not see each other everyday, but a smile and hug warms our heart (:

Day right after Christmas was Granny's birthday. Hope she enjoyed herself during the gathering with all the relatives. Though we, the juniors didn't enjoy much but that's not important. I sincerely pray that she will be healthy and may god bless her throughout the remaining of her life.

Mum just told me that she had promised her 'friend' to help out for 3weeks from January till February. Which means I can only start a new job around mid of February. No matter what, I'm still on my lookout of jobs. People, please spam me with jobs you're available with! Thanks in advance!

Gotta go into hibernation mode during this period of time ): No more drinks nor outings. No shopping nor entertainments. Sigh.. And everyone is telling me that I'm fat already luh! ;( Always giving people the skinny look and suddenly they're like so stun when they saw me. And I'm not exaggerating, seriously every single one of them whom see me, their first sentence would be about my size -.- It's too obvious that I'm fat already. Aww.. Ought to start my diet soon. Yes, this gonna be one of my 2011 resolution!! I need to succeed pleaseee ~ No more suppers and fattening stuffs from 31'st December 2010, 0000hrs thank you =)

Ben recovered from his poxies already and is able to return to school. Gotta bring him to school later on at 8am, yet here I am still blogging. Heh heh! My life is like so nocturnal once again without working. By hook or by crook, I gotta drag myself outta bed to send him to school. He had been going out with Mum quite a lot recently. Not very sure where they went to, but on X'mas, they went to Explorer Kids over at Ehub. Heard they were knocked out the moment they finished bathing. They must really had a good time there, after all it's the second time they been there. Already knew what's the funnest part there uh? Hmm, I hope there will be a vacancy soon over at Ben's childcare for Zen. His ability of speech though is better, but somehow he's still kinda slow. I don't know if he just doesn't want to or there's some other reasons. When I asked him where's his eyes, he would point to his eyes, but when I follow by "Where's your mouth", he starts to get bored and turn away. When he wanted something from me, at times he would tell me, but most of the times he will rather point or get it himself. Ben started improving himself after he attended school also, hopefully it will work out for Zen? And FINALLY, after 6months, Valencia can turn herself around and lie on her stomach flat. She's able to raise her head up and look around while lying on her stomach too. My mum said she's quite slow in movements cause' she is small in size, therefore doesn't had the strength to push herself around. Now that she's able to do it, of course I'm glad. However, I didn't expect that she's able to turn that fast, and today she roll down the bed. Luckily, she's alright.

In any way, friends. I know you all are concerned about my relationship. Don't worry. I will learn how to handle it. Still I've strongly emphasize that I'm not giving up the 5years relationship over a new relationship. As a onlooker, definitely you can give me your comments, but please don't judge me. Perhaps, ask yourself, how much do you know about what we both gone through? You might know, you might see but what about the depth of the truth? There's no point in explaining either. What's over is already over isn't it. Or would everything be better if we go round telling bad about each other, how much we did to hurt each other, how much lies we fabricated just to hide from each other? I believe things will be better if we separate peacefully. Thanks for all the concern.

Ain't he a sweety? How I wish he's a girl..

Here's my sweety <3

The walky-talky who can't keep quiet

Noisy brother of mine - 30'th November 2010

Gossip girls

Point of curve.

2010-12-19T07:05:00.001+08:00

Life's been awesomely great. Losing almost everything in an instance. Sometimes, I looked back and think if everything is worth it. Officially 19' already, yet no achievements in life. The past 19years that I've lived are just pure wastage of time. Thought I could slowly make a mark in my future, trying to build up my foundation financially but all I flunked everything, not academically in studies but everything in life.

Whatever that happened are past, and I shall just let bygones be bygones. Gonna put all my attention on the present and future! "Fate" is always used when someone couldn't find a reason to accept the failure. Well, if this is what fate have for us, I believe destiny is what we create.

Anyway, back to my life. Since November, it's been drink, drank, drunk till now. Birthday celebration and chilling sessions are all there. I'm not trying to be a bad example to my kids but one fine day, I believe they will reach this stage too. Already wasted all my teenage life, am only left with 2years, and I'm officially 21. Of course I would want to treasure all my teenage life, playing around while I still can. People whom gone through everything with me will definitely understand me.. I don't expect everyone to be sharing the same view with me, nor agree with me, but at the least just put yourself in my shoes before giving me sarcastic remarks.

Am a mother since the age of 15, 4years past. Slowly, the pressure on me is increasing. People tends to look and comment on how you teach your child, how you raise your child. Especially when you're a young and single mother. Naturally, their first impression would be that I'm a bad example to all the other young women out there, a irresponsible mother and a bad influence to my kids. Well, no matter how well I did, no one would actually say "You're good". Once you made a wrong move, they would all comment you and say "You're not good enough". How cruel can this world be.. I've slowly come to my senses. One day, I might just be able to prove them wrong. Anyway, Benfred is now having chicken pox and I believe very soon, Zenfred will be next. Would rather they have it now then in the future I think. Thus, didn't get bring them out, and had no chance to take any pictures of them either. All that I've was the earlier ones which I didn't have the time to upload. Ben is on the verge of recovering already. During this period of time, he's still very active and noisy. Chicken pox seems to be the trend now. His school already had 7cases of chicken pox and recently one of my friend, Sitoh also got it. Oh yea, supposed to attend her Birthday celebration today, but due to the poxies that she had, it's canceled. Though it's canceled, but still wanna wish her Happy 19'th Birthday and may she recover soon without any scars on her. 12years of friendship and still counting on alright! Cheers =D Valencia is already 6months old in another 4more days! She can already turn her body to her side, trying to turn around. When we lie her down on her tummy, she's able to raise her head up and look around too. Mum had started feeding her some cereal or brown rice I think. Doctors think that she's too small-sized, hopefully all the feeding will be able to help in increasing her weight. She loves to smile too, especially when someone is there, next to her accompanying her, playing with her.

I know everyone is concerned over my relationship. Thought it over seriously and carefully. Yea, perhaps my relationship with the kids' dad should be officially over. I do agree that all these years, the ups-and-downs that we gone through are way too much that it's actually a waste to give up on this relationship. But the hurt both parties endure, both parties inflicted are also way too much for a relationship to work. These 5years are actually filled with the happy and sad moments, something not every couples can go through. Though it will all be ended and perhaps one day, no one will ever remember all these, but still it will be kept as a special memory somewhere deep in my heart.. Still, I wish that everything will be going on fine for him, hoping he would one day find someone whom he truly love and will truly love him like I did before.

Secondly, I would like to clarify that I'm not giving up that relationship because of another relationship. All along, the problems we had was not something everyone could understand. I appreciate those whom understands me, stood by me but also, thanks to those whom hated me, despise me for you made me a stronger person.

2010-11-03T10:23:00.002+08:00

I've been neglecting my blog ever since I started Facebook. A habit to just publish a status, or a photo directly. Thanks for the concern everyone gave. Received calls and texts checking to see if I'm fine. Yea, I'm still surviving. No worries peeps!

3 little kiddos is taking turns to fall sick, one after one. Struggling to juggle between so much stuffs. Wondering if I'm really able to hang on. Days without sufficient sleep were a torture. Even now, I can feel my eyelids getting heavier. Life's been mundane for the entire month but at least, enjoyable I guess.

Had been thinking quite a lot recently, reminiscing the past, looking back on the things I've done. The Shirley whom once not afraid of relationships, able to stand firm no matter what happens had now become so sensitive and paranoid. Sometimes, I just can't seem to find the courage to pursue something I yearn for. Or maybe someone like me should just stand aside and only have the chance to envy. Mixed emotions all bottled up, not knowing how to release. Sick of putting up a brave front, faking smiles and laughter, facing hypocrites and yet at the end of the day, I'm still all alone.

Felt like a failure, wasted all my time thinking I could depend on a relationship only to realize there's nothing in this world that could last a lifetime. Awaken from my dreams but still, life has gotta move on. Perhaps, it's all fated.. Given a second chance, I might still go through the same thing. If love was a game, I'm defeated - by 'you'..

Nevertheless, I'm still as passionate and lively. I believe we will all turns stronger the next time we emerge. Yes, I did. I successfully turned my life drastically into something so dramatic. If only life is easier.. Without judges and remarks. I'm egoistic and I've high self-esteem. Which is why I couldn't go all out just to strive for the happiness I yearned. Take it that I'm a bitch, who goes round messing people's life upside down.. I would never forget the day I saw you again, and that's the day you stepped into my world - 15/10/2010.

Okay, enough of my preaches. Kiddies are fine, just that they kept falling sick. Valencia is still very small sized, 4months with the weight of 5.1kg, wearing Newborn Sized clothes. Drinking only 125ml per feed. She smiles quite often now, but tends to cry easily too. Oh ya, her eyes are turning from grey to brown too. Finally one of them has inherited the genes of their dad's. Zen is having fever now. Though he might be very bad tempered and is having attitude problems, but he's such a sweet cutie. Had been trying to talk to him more often, asking him questions so that he's able to speak up more. Not sure if he can get a place successfully over at Ben's school next year but I hope so. At least, that would be able to help him overcome the difficulties he had in speech. Ben is already Nursery this year. Soon, Kindergarten 1. He's quite independent, able to settle everything on his own. But somehow I feel he's quite sensitive, not only to whatever that happen to us, but also to others. He picks up things easily which makes him easily influenced by others. Trying to correct him, putting in the right values into him. With that soft-spoken character of his, it's hard talking to him without him crying.

Phone crashed the last time I tried SSH-ing. Though managed to backup, but all the pictures are still gone. Recently, hadn't been spending much time with them either. Hopefully, pictures will be up the next time I update. I promise, it ain't gonna take long.

My love.

2010-10-12T12:37:00.002+08:00

Here I am, waiting and waiting. Unknowingly, 3hours had past. Still, there wasn't any news of you. I'm starting to panic, so are your family. They called me up one by one. I don't know what to say, or what to answer but to nod silently.

Last night was a memorable night. 12/10/2010 - Our last night, for now. The first time we both actually went touring around Singapore. Hopped buses after buses, trains after trains. Even to Mustafa Centre for night shopping. I remembered every single thing you've told me, sent me. Whenever I thought of you, I couldn't control my tears. I've got so used to you messaging me at every moment of the day but today after 9am, I didn't receive your sms anymore. I started to get lost, and bewildered. I sent another sms to you again, and only realize that you won't be replying me anymore - for now.

I fully understand how you feel. Baby, please be strong. No matter what happens, we will always be standing by you. Every time my phone ring, I assumed it's you. Yet it's disappointments again and again. I know you can do it! Hope to receive your call soon <3>

Fatigue

2010-10-01T18:40:00.001+08:00

Glad that iPhone actually has got 'Blogbooster'. An app that allows you to blog as you walk. Else I can't be updating that fast also.

Went to my new office today. Lots of things have changed. They gonna change the main door to thumbprint system with also a slide door at the entrance. My own office with a glass sliding door and whiteboard to note things down. In between my office and the boss's office is another sliding door so that when they're in, it's easier for me to go over. The phone now have intercom system which they can pick up the phone easily without me passing to them. How wonderful! However, my workload is increasing too. Though he promises that as my workload increases, my pay will also increase but what worries me is that I'm unable to cope. Gotta keep the store keys and also the petty cash funds. I'm such an idiot in figures. How well can I calculate. Oh my oh my~

Mentioned in the last post that Valencia just went for her 3months jab. She's 4.4kg now. Doctor said she's too light. Her appointment will be on the next month. Another jab. The doctor actually introduced immunization for her. Thought it's really good for them but ended up only to find that immunization jab will make them prone to other virus instead of helping -.- glad that friends did tell me about all these.

Oh yah, Children Day today. Woke up late and decided not to bring Ben to school and rushed to work straight. Only to realize it's Children Day when I reached office. Isn't it contradicting to say am lucky that I woke up late? Else I will be bringing Ben to school on a Children Day. Oh my~ Can't imagine how embarrassing I'm gonna be.

Alright. Just a short update for now. Am updating soon with pictures soon :)

Ben,Zen,Len. Updates.

2010-09-24T12:09:00.005+08:00

I know I hadn't been maintaining my blog well, but I'm really trying very hard to. Life is just so mundane, at times I think. Practically just about work and home.

Office is moving to Eunos in a week's time, a bigger place and also my own office. I'm so looking forward to it! Actually, I have no idea where that place is at all but with iPhone, I think I might be able to get there without getting lost. Friends know that I'm not someone who's very good in directions. I can even get lost at my own area. Therefore, the maps in my phone is really a good option. Up to now, I'm still able to cope with the work and am still learning the ropes to handle well everything.

As for my private life.. There's nothing much to talk about, you can see it for yourself. Whatever it appears to be, might not be the facts. Things that you can't see might be all that's happening all the while. Having quite a few conflicts and misunderstandings with each other. The road ahead is full of obstructs and I've no confidence to walk it through. Perhaps both of us are just used to the life we lead on our own. For now, I just wanna work towards my aim and achieve my goals.

Ben just went to the zoo yesterday. A school trip. He came back telling us about giraffes, rhinoceros, elephants and even orang utans! Such a talkative boy. Going on and on about what he did and what he saw. He can even sing "Eenie Meenie". Wondering if too much of these is good or bad. It's proven that he doesn't seem to like mandarin songs. In fact, he's in love with "Right Round", "Sugar" and "Eenie Meenie". At times, looking at him made me think of his dad. Of course not only the looks, he has his dad's characteristic running in him. Equally stubborn. Too much caning isn't good but a spoiled child is worst.

Zen is alright, learning things at a slow pace. Eating non-stop, drinking non-stop. However a loving brother, compared to Ben. He dotes on Valencia and knows what to do when Valencia starts crying. Though he might dote on Valencia but I can actually feel he yearns to play with his brother more. He would follow whatever Ben do, run towards Ben the moment Ben called out for him. Bought the 3 of them to Bedok last weekend with my Mum. Wanted to buy a pair of earring and an anklet for Valencia. Both the boys are so naughty! Running here and there. When I threatened to beat Ben when we reached home, he immediately call out to Zen and hugged him telling him to be with him so that at least both of them would get the canings together -.- Zen might have a bad temper, crying at the slightest things, but he's such a cutie. Kissing me every night before he goes to bed and also hugging me sweetly every evening I returns home. Very sweet right? Up to the age of 2, people still thinks that he's a girl. I even dress him in blue you know. Oh my god. Too bad he ain't a girl, else he would be so adorable especially when he kisses you..

Valencia is already 3months. Looking forward to next month when she eat baby food, 6months when she can slowly turn and also dressing her up when her hair is long! Until now, she's still wearing the premature baby size and sometimes the newborn size. Those that are for 3months - 6months, she can't fit in at all. It's way too big :( Up to now, she has got a wardrobe full of clothes already! Bought a hairband with wig at 2sides for her too. She loves people talking to her and would smile whenever my mum talk to her. Somehow, her intake of milk doesn't increase and is stuck at 4olz now. At times, she can't even finish 4olz. She's been drinking 4olz ever since she's 2months I think. Sigh.. If this goes on, I think she would be stuck at this size. Anyway, she's going for her immunization jab today with Mum. Shall update everyone again or you can go to circle of moms, be a fan of Benfred/Zenfred/Valencia or all 3 and catch their updates even quickly!

你说你爱我, 难道这就是你爱我的方式.
我已分不清是非黑白, 分不清到底哪一个才是真正的你.
为何总要到失去才懂得珍惜?
一切已经来不及, 也回不去了.
你答应我的原来都只是一场游戏, 一场梦..

VIDEOS ARE UPLOADED!

Happy Birthday to Zen and Ben!

2010-09-04T13:35:00.005+08:00

A month since I start working. First time getting my pay cheque. Anyway, after deducting this and that, left with not much either. Things are going smoothly, at least for now. Didn't get to spend much time with kids. Especially Valencia, I miss her so so so much every time I'm at work! Bought a hairband with wig for her. She look so damn adorable with it! Shall take pictures of her soon.

It's Zen's birthday today. Planned to bring him and Ben over to Explorer Kids at E!hub. There's a huge playground full of balls. Nothing's gonna satisfy them more than this. Was actually frowning over where to bring them to. Gonna celebrate both their birthdays together since it's only a difference of 10days and I need to work on Ben's birthday too. Thought of Barney's performance over at Singapore Expo, Universal Studio and Explorer Kids. Ended up coming with the conclusion of going over to E!hub. So much to consider especially when I'm bringing them with me. They're so naughty and mischievous. Thus can only bring them over to places where they can play and play non stop! Haha.

Thanks for the wishes and concern everyone gave! Am so glad that everyone actually care so much for us. We really appreciate that. Shall reward back with this long update and pictures.

Had work on the Saturday morning. By the time I reached home and fetched the kids, it's already quite late. Went over to Explorers kids around 7pm. Initially when we reach there, Ben and Zen was kinda afraid. We tried the maze playground at first. Somehow, Ben went the wrong way and couldn't get over to the slide where we were at and started crying Had to go over and show him the way. While sliding down, Zen was scared and cried too. So we thought it might be better if we bring them to the pool of balls. Indeed, once we reached there, Ben drowned himself into the pool straight. Zen is alright with playing the balls but he didn't want to go into the pool. Guess he's afraid of stepping on the balls. After an hour or so.. Both the kids are familiarizing themselves. Ben can play on his own and Zen moving around. Went for dinner around 9pm aftermath and home for cake.

Spent quite a lot that day but guess everything's worth it. Took a few videos of them sliding down the slide. Somehow the format of videos in iPhone is different. Shall try to configure it and upload the videos probably in the next update. Be patient everyone and thanks for reading!

2010-08-17T16:44:00.003+08:00

Wow! I'm finally back into blogging again. Almost one and a half month since I last blogged. Seriously, I missed blogging. Ranting and ranting non-stop =X But not to forget those people that are reading silently behind the screens. Actually I did thought of closing down the blog since I don't really have much time to manage it either. Yet today when I randomly view my blog, I saw the comment passerby made, which means he/she had been viewing my blog hoping I will update one day. That throws the thought off my mind.

Looking back on the things I've wrote, read the messages you people left on the chat box, made me realize how fast time flies. Indeed, without you people supporting me silently, I wouldn't have made it this far. Not to forget, my family and friends. In any way, I just want to thank everyone whom know me, be it you are with me or not.

What I'm busy with recently? Hmm.. Probably just work and family is enough to keep me busy. Found myself a new job and frankly speaking, I kinda love this job. It's carefree enough for me but definitely not for the working hours. I meant the way I work here :) Well, waking up at 6.30am every morning, sending Ben to school and then make my way to work. Knocked off, 1hour way home, dinner and it's already almost bedtime. Hadn't got much time to spend with the kids, I've gotta say ): Well, never thought that things would get stable in such a short time but I'm glad that it all has. Used to think that I'm very dependent on Weikiat, but this time round, I've prove myself wrong. Though I don't know how long can things last but I hope it's as long as it could be..

Moved house (YES AGAIN..) though it's still somewhere in the same area but things had been much more inconvenient. Especially when I need to bring Ben to school every morning. (Argh!) I have to cross the overhead bridge, take a bus, alight at somewhere near his school and then walk over to his school. After sending him, take a bus to Interchange and then either take mrt or bus again. Super troublesome lo! Yet I doesn't want him to be transferred to another childcare. I believe it's hard for a kid to get used to a new environment, therefore no choice x.x I remember the first day I brought him to school after we moved over to the new place, he kept crying and say that bus stop has got no bus to his school. Oh my god, at that moment I don't know if I'm supposed to laugh or to be angry. That is why I strongly believe when a kid got used to something, it's hard to change. Now that Benfred has got another younger sister, he will tends to say he like meimei but seldom did he say he like didi. Lol, this is kinda common with people with more siblings. They tends to make comparison. As for Benfred, he feels that Zenfred is more noisier and sometimes, he has got to share his stuffs with Zenfred. That's why he prefer sister more. But no matter what, all are my kids and I love them equally (Okay, but I prefer daughter more :X HAHAHA)

In another weeks time, Ben and Zen's Birthday are coming. How fast.. Thought of celebrating together, can save time, hees. Hadn't got something in mind for them. But initially, wanted to get the tickets from Sistic to Barney show. On second thoughts, wonder if they would sit still during the show. Else it won't be nice if we disturbed others who are enjoying the show. Urgh, still brainstorming for their presents. Any ideas?!

*By the way, Cheryl~ Are you reading this? You wanna bring ZhanQing along not? Though he might not like Barney but I believe all kids will enjoy that. Anyone whom wanna bring their kid along with me can tell me also!! =)**

Arrival of Baby Girl ♥

2010-06-30T20:15:00.003+08:00

Time to change my blog header and include the picture of Baby Princess soon! Yes, she's born! Though its a week earlier than her estimated due date but she's fine, just a little too light and having jaundice. Thanks for the concern all my friends and family gave! I'm so glad to receive all the sms-es you all sent and comments made in Facebook.

Baby Princess was born on 23/06/2010 at 14:59. Weight at birth was 2430, though light but able to discharge the next day. Was actually feeling unwell the day before already, deciding whether to go hospital not. Gave up the idea as there wasn't any contractions. Around morning 9am, I started to feel pain in my tummy. At first I was unsure if it is contractions, but around 11plus, the pain increased and I even vomited the breakfast I ate. Went over to meet Mum after I prepared everything and reached hospital around 2pm. They broke the water bag after checking baby's heartbeat and baby will be arriving soon! Well, giving birth at KKH was really terrible. The doctor wasn't there and it was a mid-wife/nurse that came. What's worse was that when I was in great pain, I couldn't find the call-bell and the nurse didn't told me where was it when she left the room. I had no choice but to shout for them. Luckily one of the nurse/mid-wife heard me and came over. Just one nurse/mid-wife and my baby girl was delivered. She said luckily baby's small and its fast, or she couldn't handle it alone too. The doctor actually wanted to insert the tube into my veins in case I need any blood transfusion during delivery but after poking both my hands and inserting thick tubes, he couldn't reach my veins and me ended up having bruised hands. Only after my delivery, the other doctor managed to insert it. Glad that I didn't need to have transfusion during delivery, else I would die due to loss of blood. My blood pressure was too low after delivery, couldn't be transferred to ward until they put me on drip. Poor Mum and Zenfred gotta wait for me outside. Only till 9pm then I was transferred to ward. Oh my.. How good service they had.

Was discharged the next day, but the medical social worker wanted to see my Mum before letting me discharge. They even kept Baby's Health Booklet in case I leave. What the hell right? They're afraid that I couldn't look after Baby as a single mother -.- Went to Polyclinic to bring Princess for jaundice check the following day. Initially it was acceptable though high, so we gotta return the next day. After that it increases and we need to send her to KKH for phototherapy. She got discharged yesterday. Now going to Polyclinic for follow-up. Hopefully, the level won't rises again. Going to Polyclinic this coming friday and if it decreases, we only need to go back the following week.

Handling 3kids now is really hard and different. Zenfred tends to stick to me more, and he gets jealous easily when I'm carrying Princess. So I gotta spend more time comforting him, settling him down. Really hope to put him in the childcare soon, as he can learn more things with his brother and of course, I will be able to put my heart at ease while both the boys are in school. Trying to cope with the pressure and obstacles I'm facing.. Will get used to it after awhile. But my blog will starts to get more and more wordy in the future. With all my nags and mummy stories. Haha. Soon, everyone will get sick of reading my blog :( No choice eh, gotta find somewhere to rant. Haha.

Benfred is learning fast now. He's having no problems with A-Z and 1-10. Teaching him to recognize words now. Gave him spelling every few days. He can spell 1-6, write his own name and some short words. Though he is easier to handle than Zenfred but he can be quite a nuisance at times. Throwing tantrums, wanting this and that. As he can speak well, he often talks back. Nowadays I realize he even say things like, 'Nobody love me, Nobody play with me, Not fair'. He's only 4years old. Isn't it a little too fast saying all these? Hmm...

After such a long post, i think its time for pictures!! Shall update soon =) Stay tuned!

P/S: I'm desperate of names for my Princess. Ideas anyone? :) Xuki Yong Xue Qi 杨雪琦 ?

2010-05-31T01:23:00.003+08:00

Had my baby growth scan last week. Everything's fine, just that baby is still a little too small. Shall just update a little this time as I'm really feeling tired with the big ball in front of me and looking after the 2 little rascals. Baby Princess will arrive in this world in a month's time. Of course, I'm feeling excited about it but the tension and pressure overtook the excitement in me. 3'rd pregnancy ought to be easier and more relax but yet, I felt so lost this time round. Lost because you ain't with me? Well, I've no idea..

Chosen a playpen for Baby Princess already. It's a red and pink one with a changing table and side opening. It's really a bargain, $129 nett with free mattress. There seems to be a lot of things still not bought yet, but there's just nothing much that caught my eye. Maybe shall just buy more baby clothes and the rest wait till I'm in need before buying.

Oh yes, and as for my Prince and Cutie. Benfred has been picking up things very fast lately. Just taught him how to write his own name and also some other words. But his discipline is really very bad. His teacher complaint about him refusing to show patience in doing his work and also fidgeting when everyone is having their lessons. All these is gonna be hard in the long run. He will be in the kindergarten class next year already. Looking back, he's already in this childcare for about 2years. How fast time flies.. Anyway, as for Zenfred. He's a cutie when he's smiling. But when he throws his tantrums and cries, he's really a terror. The way he talks sounds so cute and sweet and especially with that girly look of his. Everyone thought he's a girl when he's already 2years old. I know its hard to differentiate when children are young, but now, he's already 2years old. He can now call 'Papa', 'Mummy', 'Kor kor', 'Jie Jie', 'Ah ma', 'Ah Chor' and 'Mei Mei'. When he saw a cat or dog, he will point to it and say 'dog dog' or 'cat cat'.

Didn't take any photos recently. But I've a few videos to upload. Those videos are taken long ago and I hadn't had the time to upload it. Shall upload it soon. Maybe as my stomach is really growing bigger, I find it awkward to wear some tops or to take photos. My barrier maybe.. Anyway, some people say that when mothers are pregnant with girls, they grow prettier. But there's myths that says when a woman is pregnant with a baby girl, the baby girl will take away the mum's beauty and therefore the mum won't be pretty when she's pregnant. Well, which is true and which is not.. ..

I hadn't dare to put hopes into whatever that you've told me.
Though I hope all those are true..

2010-04-05T04:25:00.003+08:00

Pregnancy is kind of stable already. Though baby is still quite small but at the least, things are fine. Been transferred to KK hospital now. I really hate to go to government hospital. Slow service but with the same rate as private hospital. Once it's June, I swear I will go back to Thomson Medical Center! The doctors at KK hospital kept asking if all my children are from the same father and why the father didn't turn up for my checkup. Worse, they wanted me to see a social worker. Oh man, I really dread going to the checkups nowadays.

Yeah, has got a few photos of baby girl already. Too bad there's no scanner for me to upload it. Did took photos of Ben and Zen too. But its hard to upload the photos up as I don't have my own computer now. Shall try my best to upload them if there's a chance. Try my best uh! Haha.

Ben and Zen are going to be kor kor soon. Really wonder how will they feel. I already told Ben that he will have a younger sister soon. He knows that my stomach has a younger sister too. But its gonna be another experience for him. Hopefully, they can accept it well. Zen is getting more and more naughtier now, really! When he can't gets the toys he want, he will starts to scream and cry. If he fell down, he will run towards me and wants me to sayang him lo! Seriously, I think that he's sweeter and cuter than Ben cause' the way he kisses you and smiles really makes you melt. As for Ben, he's the more mature type. He can really go into a conversation with me and starts talking about something. One thing I just realized is that, his Mandarin really cannot make it. He tends to speak English instead of Mandarin already. Maybe I emphasis that his English must be very good. But now, he's so used to it that he speaks to my granny in English too and yet, my granny don't understand English.

In just another 2months plus, my baby girl will be born. Though after being a mother of two, I still tends to feel the tense and pressure. I guess its because I know I will be alone this time. He wouldn't be there to hold my hands or cut the baby's cord anymore. It is a contradicting feeling. Of course, I'm happy that its a baby girl but the thought of facing it alone just makes me feel upset. Guess in another month's time, I will be shopping around for my baby girl's clothing. Once I think of it, I feel contented. Oh yeah, I planned to name my baby girl - Xuki. People may wonder why, but of course, there's a reason to it. As for the chinese name, it might be something close to Xuki, XueQi maybe? I haven decide yet. So.. Xuki Lim or Xuki Yang? Well... Let time decide then.

♥

Yes, you won't be reading this, for sure and I know. But I know if I don't type it out, I might just go crazy thinking about it. I don't know when are you the real you. The one worrying if I'm hungry, cooks for me when I feel like eating, patting me when I'm crying and hugging me when I'm feeling depressed. Or the one treating me coldly replying only with a word, "ya" "orh" "dunno" "see how". Its like there are boundaries around you, and its changing everyday. Every time I take a step towards you, I will feel scared. I don't know where is your limits and I'm afraid that I will step on your limits one day. You gave me hope but you are also the one that smashed my hopes. A day of happiness, a few days of sorrows. Whatever that you said, I tried my best to believe. No matter whatever I found out, I kept it silently within me. I find no courage to know the truth as I'm afraid that I will lose you now and forever. Maybe you don't need me anymore or its just me that needs you all the time. Till now, I've used countless ways till I've no more ways anymore except waiting quietly. I've kept my promises and I think now, its just time to see if you will keep yours.

2010-02-19T00:25:00.002+08:00

Seen my gynecologist last week. Baby is confirmed to be 90% girl. Though I'm happy that its a baby girl, things doesn't seem to be great. The doctor said that baby girl is too light, and the water in my womb is too little. If this goes on, baby girl will be a premature baby and now that baby girl is too light, it might be dangerous. There's no way to increase the water inside my womb so when it reaches a limit, they gotta let baby girl comes out else, she will be stuck inside.

I'm feeling all so pressurized and stressed up. At this point of time, Weikiat is not by my side. I know he is feeling stressed up because of his own matters too. I do not want to bother him but my heart just can't stop running towards him. This time, its really a ordeal for both of us. I don't know if I can manage everything by myself but I will try my best to. Be it for the sake of me, or my kids. Mum is so worried about me. She always tries to talk me out of smoking, asking me to take care of myself, don't let her worry. I really wanted to take good care of myself, rest more so that I can give birth to a pretty baby girl but I can't. I see myself losing motivation as day passes. I can only feel the hurt and pain my heart is feeling.

Ben and Zen are fine for now. Ben wakes up early in the morning and attend school everyday. As for Zen, he wakes up quite late and plays with his toys all day long. Though Zen can't really speak alot, but he can really understand whatever that I'm telling him. I don't really have the mood to take pictures of them now therefore, I can't upload any photos. But they are still as active as before, as healthy as before. Mum just bought a new Barney puzzle for Ben and he's so in love with it now. It's a little harder to fix compared to the previous ones he has so he did took a longer time. Shall video him doing the puzzle soon and upload it here. This time round, I will remember not to tilt my phone so that the videos are alright.

It's already Friday today. Weekends are coming and Monday are arriving. My gynae referred me to KK hospital speciallist for the check ups as KK hospital charges are cheaper. He said that if baby girl is really a premature baby, in Thomson Medical, they are charging $2000 per day for the incubator therefore, no choice but to go KK hospital. Appointment is this coming Monday, 22Jan. I don't know this time, what they are going to check again but I'm feeling so tensed and unstable. Really hope that everything's gonna be alright. If I can, after the appointment, I will try to update you guys again.

♥

I know I'm typing for the sake of typing for you will not be seeing all these. Still, I'm hoping that one day you will understand. All these days without you, my heart is aching. I've finally knew what's forcing you away. Its my fault that I led you to have those insecure feeling. Its also my fault that you are having no trust in me now. The tears can't stop flowing down my cheeks everyday. Without fail, my heart is bound to ache and pain. Is this the punishment that you're giving to me? For the past few months, I really tried my best to prove myself to you. Why is the chance being taken off now? Benfred cries for you every night but I don't know how to explain to him. I don't wanna hurt the kids, neither do I want to force you. I'm trying hard to calm down all the feelings in me. I've told myself again and again, be strong, not to take things so hard but I can't. Its so hard to do it. Why is love so torturing and tormenting? I remembered how we used to love each other. I remembered how we used to spend time with each other. If the love is there, I believe one day, we will be reunited once again as a family. I believe we will..

2010-02-10T17:38:00.004+08:00

没有你的日子里：Day 5

在没有你的这几天里，我试着不去想你但我做不到。好几次，我拿起了电话好想打给你却没勇气。不管我多努力的告诉自己我不能那么软弱，我就是这么软弱。我始终不能把你忘记。一次又一次的争吵或许已经让你对我厌烦但是不管我们在一起5年或是50年，我对你还是一样，从来没改变过。自从我怀孕已来，你从来不曾问过我感受与感想。我知道你不想要这个孩子所以一开始我也没打算生。后来，我发现堕胎已经太迟了，我就想先自己生下孩子等你回来的那一天再告诉你。现在已经没有那个机会了。。我已经完完全全的失去你了。我一直试着把你忘记，但我身边却一直有着你的影子。记得星期日我到楼下去看医生，坐着坐着，就想起以前我们一起走过那条路，一起坐过那个椅子。看医生的时候，医生还问我是不是你的女朋友。她说她看到Benfred 就想到了你。我发现我越想把你忘记，反而就有更多的事向我提醒着你。为什么要这样对我？我不知道我到底做错了什么，应该得到你这种待遇。几年来，我都拼了命的去保护这个家庭以及这段感情。即使没钱，我也从来没有怨言。对于你，不管你骗我几次，我也都原谅你。对你，我没有要求，只想你对我一片真心，难道这也错了吗？在你眼中的我，或许永远都不是一个好的女朋友。但，你在我的心中却永远占去着一份特别的位置。在未来的每一天，也许你会渐渐的忘了我，忘了孩子，可是在未来没有你的每一天，反而我会更加的想念你，更加的记得你。

I've told myself umpteen times that I must not be so weak, but I've failed. The more I wanna forget you, the more the surrounding reminds me of you. I took my phone wanted to call you, but I've no courage to do so. Initially, I thought that I could bring the 3kids up while waiting for you yet now I realize I've lost you thoroughly. You're just gone and you won't be back anymore. I don't understand what have I done to deserve you treating me this way. All these years, I tried my best to protect this family and our relationship. Towards you, no matter how many times you lied to me, I forgave you once and once. I've no request towards you, just hoping that you can treat me real. Am I wrong to ask for this? In your eyes, I might be a imperfect girl with all flaws but in my heart, you stand a special position. Maybe one day in the future, you might forget me, forget about the kids but I will remember you in my heart as the day pass.

2010-02-10T15:30:00.005+08:00

Yes, everything ended with Weikiat. I'm no longer his Girlfriend anymore. Wondering if I should regret not getting married earlier. No no, I ought to be glad that we didn't get married earlier for if things were to come to this state after we got married, it will be worse. Currently staying at Granny's house leading a simple and contented life.

Guess it's time for me to come clean with everything too. There're people whom know, there're people whom doesn't too. Alright, I'm pregnant with a third child. Am going for the checkup tomorrow and I believe I will be able to know the actual gender of the baby. Went to 2different doctor previously and they both said it looks like a girl but they ain't sure. Hopefully, its really a baby girl. So for now, I'm only looking after Benfred and Zenfred while waiting for my baby to be out in around June. The rest of the details can only be know when I visit the doctor tomorrow.

Benfred returned back to school already. Just wanna spend all my time into looking after them, giving them a normal life. Recently, they've been good boys. Sleeping early in the night, waking up early in the morning. I know this is how I want them to be, and I know this is what they can't be when its at Weikiat's home.

Yep, I admit that I might not be able to let go. Its hard for me to let go especially when its after 5years with 3kids. I knew how much I need him to be in my life but still no matter what, I've gotta endure the parting. Countless times I've cried.. Endless times I've thought of him.. I told myself I've gotta be strong but it all seems useless. Please please, let me be strong and survive all these. There's kids for me to look after and I just can't collapse. Am I really that weak without you?

2010-01-31T18:33:00.004+08:00

Darling's 20'th Birthday was over. It meant to be a surprise but yet he still found out through my Facebook. Hope he had a great time that night. Walked hours in Parkway Parade, here and there, up and down but unable to find a gift that I'm satisfied with and ended up buying perfume and couple bracelets.

Met up with Cheryl since last week. First was at my house downstairs, second at East Coast Park and third at Parkway Parade. Caught up with each other and we even bought our kids along to Parkway Parade. Ben and ZhanQing was really having a good time together. Ate Mcdonalds together, ran together, shout for each other. Though they can't remember each other's name but they can call out to each other using 'KorKor and DiDi'. It might be weird as ZhanQing is only older than Ben by 3months but yet, its still the correct term yea? Haha. Looking at them having fun while we chit-chatted and laughing at them. They were even using their language that we don't even understand. When it was too late and we had to leave, Ben was showing his reluctant face to leave. Today, he's still bugging me to bring him out again to play with ZhanQing when I showed him the photos he took yesterday. Shall bring them out together once we have the time.

Actually did took videos of Ben and Zen weeks ago. Was unable to upload it as I took it straight and I forgot that only viewing in my phone, it can be rotate. Once I uploaded it, it can't be rotate anymore. Thus, no choice till I download a video editor. Will try to upload it soon. Meanwhile, any good video editor to introduce? Can just leave a tag down (:

Caught up with a few friends this few weeks. Hesitation and decisions.. Can be said that I've already came up with a decision. Friends might say the road ahead is tough, and I believe it really is but I'm all prepared for it. I understand that he's not gonna be there for me anymore. In the road ahead, its just gonna be me and my kids. Kids are going to give me the motivation and strength yea? I knew how much I couldn't let go. But if I don't let go now, there's never gonna be an ending in the future. Seriously, the strength I have to let him go now, is how much love I have for him. I believe that one day, we will be reunited again and I will be waiting for that day no matter what.

Oh yeah, I really wanna get an iphone! Heard that M1 has got good plans and I planning to get one soon. Shall discuss with my mum about it and if she have no comments, I'm going to sign up for it. Oh my god, oh my god! Getting so excited when I thought of it as I really think iphone is cool luh =X

Argh, couldn't sleep well this few days. Tossing here and there in bed for hours almost everyday before falling asleep and wake up everyday with aches on my back. I don't know if this is due to the bad sleeping position or is it just my own body that's causing me the pain. Wanted to go for the checkup again and see what the doctor says. Hopefully everything's gonna be fine. God bless me and my kids!

Darling's 20'th Birthday at East Coast Park

Meeting at Parkway Parade with Cheryl and ZhanQing

2010-01-21T06:23:00.007+08:00

Yes, daybreak soon and here I am, still not asleep. Wondering if I'm too stressed or tensed that I just can't sleep. Realized I've been tearing everyday without fail, having mood swing even more often. I hate the weak me feeling this way but I just can't help it. I know how much my family cares about me, worrying about me yet I can't do anything to ease them. Why can't the one that I cares about the most understand me? The effort I put in, the suffers I swallows. Once and once, I had the urge to just leave but I know I can't be that irresponsible cause' it ain't gonna solve anything. Duh~

Changed a new blogskin and it took up almost my whole afternoon. Used the kids' photo as the header as I think its the best way to let others understand why I created this blog for. Finally, I'm quite satisfied with this blog. Anyway, while editing the blogskin, accidentally erase the old one and all my links are gone. So if I missed out any of your links, I'm sorry as I can only manage to recover some. Drop me a tag and I'll link you back alright (: I wanna love my blog like how I used to and update every one another day. I really really want to! Yet, there's no motivation for me to. Whenever I logged in, I would stare at the monitor for a very long time and nothing came to my mind. Not really nothing to update but just that, sometimes its hard to update about the situation.

Well, thought of making up my mind and just go ahead with it. No matter how tough it is, how sad it gonna turn out, I won't change my mind again. Else, it gonna be history repeating itself and everyone has gotta change their lifestyle again. No no.. I've done this once and I'm not gonna do it again. Might be confusing for those that have no idea about what I'm talking about but if you ask me, I might tell you privately as I just can't spell it all out here, sorry. I'm going for the appointment later. Yes, I'm so tense and afraid. No one's accompanying me there. I don't wanna disturb anyone and neither one of my friends know about this. This time, there will only be me facing this all by my own. I feel so hurt whenever Mum talked to me. I can feel her concern but once and once, I made her feel upset. This is not anyone's fault but mine. When she tell me how hurt she felt, how much she blames herself, I wish I could tell her aloud that I love her and its not her mistakes... Tears can only roll down my cheeks and words all cooped in.

Only after so much things happened, then I realized how ignorant I am. Not treasuring the loved ones around me. Being so childish thinking that freedom is everything. Sometimes, I can't help it but wonder why is it me. Why can't my parents love each other instead of quarreling everyday. Just like any other girls, I yearn for a simple family too. One that doesn't need to be rich but with love and care. Though Dad and Mum both are leading a different life with a different partner, I understand that this might be the best for both of them. After all, forcing themselves to be with each other cause' of kids doesn't seem to be a nice idea. No matter what, I still love them for they're my parents and in this world, the only thing that can't be change or choose is kinship.

Wow, I've side-tracked really much. Talking about all those random stuffs that might let others yawn. Alright, back to my 2 little darlings. Initially, Benfred already kicked off his pacifier habit but recently he just snatches his brother's pacifier and sucked it. This often cause the 2 of them to fight over the pacifier. Took quite a long time to let him kick off the habit but now it came back again -.- No choice but to buy a new one for him. I've already made it clear to him that I am not going to let him touch the pacifier sooner or later. He's old enough not to let the pacifier overtake him. Regarding his toilet training, he can fully understand what's the meaning of going to toilet already. Whenever he needs the toilet, be it for what purposes, he can speak his mind clearly. For the whole afternoon till bedtime, he doesn't need to rely on diapers anymore and I think that's a pretty good thing. By this age, he should have already been toilet trained but previously I wasn't that free to teach him. Now that he has master it, I feel quite glad too. Currently, teaching him 'A for Apple, B for Boy, C for Cat and D for Dog'. His memory is pretty good but just that he's too active. I've problems making him sitting down listening to me. So till how, he can only remember till D. Zenfred is getting naughtier too. Tends to scream for food and toys already. He loves going in the bathroom to play with water =.= Next time, will have to close the door so he can't get inside already. He can points to you whatever he wants and also let you know how is he feeling. Be it soiled diapers or thirsty, he knows how to let us know. He also understands what we're saying. When I asked for his pacifier, he would hand it to me. When I ask him for a toy, he will pick it up and bring to me. He loves to take my phone and put it on ear although he still doesn't know how to say 'Hello'. I will try to post more pictures and videos about their daily life =D

Wow, 6:21am?! Gotta hit the sack for now else I won't be able to wake up in time for my appointment. Be back to catch my updates and pictures ♥

2010-01-20T05:40:00.004+08:00

At times I wonder if you really understand me despite all these years of relationship.

I'm already grown up, not the young little girl whom you once knew.

But this doesn't mean that I don't wanna be with you nor suffer hardships.

All I want is just a stable future, you get it?

A future ..

A future that's not only for you and me, but our kids.

I told myself repeated, endless times that I can survive for this temporary moment just to welcome our dreams in the future.

Why aren't you taking the move, why don't you understand this..

Baby, I don't know if you're gonna see this. But let me tell you another time.

No matter what happens, I'm here with you. Kids, my family and your family. They're all here. So just pluck up your courage and face everything. We'll all be proud of you, my dear.

2009 - 2010

2010-01-18T05:23:00.006+08:00

Christmas and New Year is over. A Brand new 2010! Hoping things will turn out well this year. Shoo to all the unhappiness! Gonna pray hard that family and friends will be safe and sound, leading a happy and contented life. Of course, world peace and everything stop rising except for pay!

Went over to Expo for relatives wedding over the last month. Had BBQ at East Coast during New Year countdown. Can't really remember the rest as I didn't update for quite a long time. Didn't have much time to sit down and blog as the boys are older and naughtier. With 2 little rascals at home, the house is always filled with their noises and laughter.

Speaking of the two boys, Benfred is learning to be toilet trained now. During the day, he doesn't need a diapers anymore. He knows how to let us know if he needs the toilet. Though he might feel weird without "that sense of security", at the least, he didn't wet the floor or bed anymore. Like the past, always watching Barney VCDs and DVDs. Might be his influence, Zenfred loves to watch Barney too. And yeah, Zenfred can walk on his own now. Not only walk, but run and turn around. Might be a little unstable and he dislike wearing shoes but he should be alright soon. Recalling the past, Benfred learned to walk and run around this age too. Zenfred ain't as active as Benfred. Zenfred loves food, no matter what kind, be it biscuits or rice, as long as its edible, he definitely wants it. Benfred tends to be more picky about food, he doesn't love to eat rice and he loves biscuits. Therefore, at times it is quite hard to feed them during lunch or dinner. Thought their personality ain't the same, they are both as naughty. Tends to fight over biscuits or toys. When Zenfred loses the fight, he will bite Benfred's arm or back. Tried to stop Zenfred but he doesn't know that he's in the wrong. Guess this is what usually happens when you've 2 boys at home? I remembered my 2brothers used to fight over stuffs too =X

Been through so much ups-and-downs during this period of time, making me feeling upset, disappointed and lost. I really hate that kind of feeling and there's no one around for me to speak to. Even if there is, I don't know how to open up to another person. Silent tears flowed down once and once.. Really hope that things will pick up and a brand new life will start. I wanna get rid of the past events that pulled me down and start with a happy Shirley. Anyway, relatives said I've grown fatter. Zz. You know why. I wanna slim down soon!! Anyway, am apologetic for the lack of updates but I will try to update once I can. Stay tuned!! =D

Presents from Darling

Relatives Wedding

Outings

♥ MrsLaoshu signing off

2009-11-30T02:25:00.003+08:00

A HAPPY 18'TH BIRTHDAY TO
MYSELF!

Thanks to all that wished me ♥ ~

2009-11-28T19:29:00.001+08:00

Oh well, wouldn't comment much on the past events which made me dreaded life. Concentrate on building up a better future will be much more effective. Anyway, just moved house, (Yea, I know. You must be wondering "Not again"). This time to somewhere further, or I should say somewhere I'm more unfamiliar with. Hopefully, I won't get lost when I need to go downstairs to buy stuffs. Though I'm unfamiliar with this area, but I do know people whom are very familiar with the area around here. Guess this area is kind of popular, once I said the area, everyone kind of already knew where I am. Haha. In that case, no excuses next time, must come visit me already. Hehehe.

Ever since the move-out, had been rather depressed. Can't seem to concentrate on anything. This could be counted as the lowest point of my whole entire 18years of life. Maybe I just got too used to everyone and everything by my side that once I lost it, life just seems so dull and dark. Though parents might be separated, deprived of family love and concern, but at the least, they provided everything that I need and want. Suddenly, everything was gone and I simply couldn't adapt to it. I'm glad that things are alright now. Though not stable yet, but with Darling by me, I hope that it will slowly pick up.

Officially 18years old in another 2more days. I used to look forward to this special day, wondering what I will be doing, how I will be celebrating without those age restrictions. Now that it is arriving, I can't seem to find the me that is looking forward to it anymore. Just thought that it might not be the best time to celebrate now with everything still all so messed up. Still no idea how I will be celebrating it. Just take whatever comes by then.

Went prawning over at East Coast Park and Bishan last week. Been months ever since we last prawned. Kind of lousy now. Caught '2012' at E!Hub the last week too. The show was kind of anticipated and long. Though it might be kind of different from how I thought the show might be, but it was still not bad afterall. I thought they might show how the world will end and what will happen when Human extinct. Alright, my imagination might be far too good, but when world end comes to my mind, that's the only thing I could think of. For that show, I wouldn't count it as world end, might be just some major disaster. Opps, guess I side-tracked. And yeah, my soft toy collections increased again! I've threw away quite a lot of stuffs and clothing when I moved out the last time and some of the soft toys had to leave it there too. Now, Darling caught a lot more back. 1Hello Kitty Fish, 1Hello Kitty Cushion, 1Melody soft toy, 1Stitch in a balloon and 1Winnie-the-Pooh. Shan't talk more about it. I'm just too contented hugging them when Darling is not around by my side. Not exaggerating, just that when someone all along with you suddenly just couldn't be by you, that kind of lost and hopeless feeling just comes to you automatically.

Took a number of photos during these period of time when I wasn't able to update. Still couldn't be able to upload them right now as my phone cable wasn't with me. I will try to upload them as soon as I got it back! Readers and friends, wait for me alright! =D

♥ Mrs Laoshu signing off

2009-10-12T07:38:00.006+08:00

Shall update first in case couldn't get to update in the future. Can't really say much for the time being, taking a step at a time with no solutions to all the tricky obstacles. Finally seen the true colors of some people. So actually, when someone really faces crisis, everyone will just turn their backs on you. Well, this only applies to some. I know who are and who's not. Just felt a little disappointing that a person I've know for so long could just say this kind of thing and yet not even giving a least bit of encouragement. It might be the truth but it sounds like reproaching more than advice or encouragement. Ahhh, forget it. At least I've seen better sides of human too (:

Life's pretty bad now. Not knowing how the future gonna be like. Everything seems so bleak and dull. Felt really hopeless this time. Gotta act as if nothing happened in front of everyone. How sarcastic can life be. So much in me, yet not able to mention. Saddening.. Anyway, brought Zen out to meet Sabbie. Had a great, long chat. Over the weekends, brought Ben out to meet Joelin and Cun too. Walked around, shopped around. At least for that few hours, I'm able to forget everything and just concentrate on loosing up.

Oh ya, Zen has got 6tooths now. Kind of lot uh. Didn't manage to take him smiling with his tooth showing but I will try to. He looks so cute when he smile and his 6little tooth appearing. Though he still can't say a word but at least he can just yak a little at times. Did I mention that he's a glutton? He can't stop eating and I really mean it when I say can't stop. He can just go on and on eating biscuits and crackers though he just finished his lunch or dinner. Especially when he saw someone eating, he will definitely scream cause' he wanted a share too. Super greedy lo! Luckily Ben always share with him. If not I guess when he grows up, they might snatch over food. Ha!

Everything's pretty same for Ben. Attending school, playing with his mates and making a mess of my room every single day. One thing for sure, he got naughtier. Knowing how to talk back, throwing tantrums and even pouting. When he felt too tired to carry on walking and I didn't want to carry him, he can just squat down with his arms crossed and mouth sulking. I really wonder who did he learn from cause' its kind of sissy when I see him doing that though he does look cute. He's getting more and more demanding, wanting these and that. Well, gotta really spend more time teaching him if not he might really being a spoilt brat?

Life recently might be bored and uneasy but at the least, everything is still going on with the help of others. We know who these people are and we know they are gonna be there be it happy or sad, rich or poor. Might be seperated from Ben and Zen for the time-being but I believe things will turn for the better and I will be able to fetch them back soon. Though some people might give me disappointing answers, even closest kins might not even be willing to help out but I guess that's what life is all about. Full of ups-and-downs. Used an application in Facebook, 'God wants you to know'. Well, it kind of motivates me at times. All the messages that God gave really have link to every one of my problems. I don't know if these are real or just pure coincidence but still, after reading it, it kinds of lifted up my spirits. Below are those messages that I recieved from the first time till today.

October 5 2009 at 2:26am:
Shirley got a message that on this day, God wants her to know... that you've been driving yourself too hard lately.
Sure, there is time to invest yourself fully into work, but there is equally important time for joy...ful resting. And for you, this time is now. What is the absolutely most wonderful little treat you can give yourself? Do it today.

October 7 2009 at 4:35am
Shirley got a message that on this day, God wants her to know... that tonight you can turn your worries to God, and have a good night's sleep.
You've been worrying too much about the future lately. So tonight, go ah...ead, put your faith in God, and just have a peaceful evening and a restful sleep.

October 7 2009 at 10:53pm
Shirley got a message that on this day, God wants her to know... that it's OK.
Just rest for a moment. It's OK. Yes, things are crazy, yes, the world is going nuts. Yet, deep underneath the stormy waves, there, in t...he core of your being, there is pure silence, pure love. And ... it's ... just ... OK.

October 9 2009 at 4:57am
Shirley got a message that on this day, God wants her to know... that every relationship rests on three legs: accepting, supporting and challenging.
That's really it, isn't it? You want your relationships to be grou...nded on accepting each other as you are. On supporting each other through the inevitable ups and downs. On challenging each other to become more, to grow, to flourish. Which one of these is the more difficult one for you, and how are you going to practice it in the next 24 hours?

October 10 2009 at 4:08am
Shirley got a message that on this day, God wants her to know... that it is time to finally forgive yourself.
You've carried the guilt, the shame for long enough. You've kept your wounds open for long enough. The ti...me has to come to let go, to heal. Keep the lessons and let the pain heal. Yes, you know what we are talking about it.

October 11 2009 at 3:38am
Shirley got a message that on this day, God wants her to know... that God has an important purpose for you, and made everything possible for you to succeed.
That's not to say it's an easy purpose, or a convenient on...e. It might very well seem hard or even impossible, but it only looks that way. The truth is that one day you will look back and see how all the pieces fit together. And how your life has been a complete and utter success.

October 12 2009 at 1:26am
Shirley got a message that on this day, God wants her to know... that the answers are within you.
You're chasing in the wrong field. What you are looking for is inside of you, not 'out there'. Take a few days off to... become quiet and look within, and you will find it.

October 13 2009 at 3:54am
Shirley got a message that on this day, God wants her to know... that it's time to STOP going through the motions of living, and START living.
Are you willing to do that now? Or are you going to wait until all life ...energy drains out of you and your loved ones who are trying to support you at this very moment? You were not born to follow rules and regulations. Living starts with dreaming. So dream, dream friend, and let dreams show you the path to your bliss.

October 14 2009 at 1:46am
Shirley got a message that on this day, God wants her to know... that it's time you remembered who you really are.
You are not your wallet, your job, your kids, your house. You are not your activities or your worrie...s or the labels other people give you. Like an actor you play these roles, and like a good actor you sometimes forget who you really are. Time to wake up now, and remember that you are a being of immense power and breathtaking beauty created in the image of God.

October 15 2009 at 1:17am
Shirley got a message that on this day, God wants her to know... that there is a miracle waiting for you this minute, - please make room for it in your thinking.
God has no need to prove anything to you, so if you d...on't believe in miracles, you are not likely to receive one. How do you believe in miracles? You believe by keeping your eyes open, - miracles often come in ways unexpected, and might leave unrecognized unless you pay attention.

October 16 2009 at 2:08pm
Shirley got a message that on this day, God wants her to know... that the great advantage of having nothing is that everything becomes a gain.
Losing everything is at the same time the scariest, as well as the most ...liberating experience you can have. When you have something, - anything, you've got to protect it from disappearing. And so worry becomes a resident in your heart. When you've got nothing, your heart overflows with gratitude for every offering you receive.

October 17 2009 at 2:44pm
Shirley got a message that on this day, God wants her to know... that every moment is an opportunity for you to be happy.
You know how sometimes it seems that life is just throwing you one curved ball after another?... Well, guess what, - you have a great way to respond! - you can use every opportunity, every single one, to be happy. Don't just take a shower - feel into and receive pleasure from the water on your skin. Don't just walk on the street - enjoy the fragrances of the trees and the flowers on your way. Don't just drive your car - sing karaoke to your favorite radio station.

October 18 2009 at 2:36am
Shirley got a message that on this day, God wants her to know... that how bad things may look right now means nothing, - it's how good they can be with God's help that counts.
In life you can absolutely count on one... thing, - everything can turn around in one day, in one minute sometimes. Don't you dare to give up, - you might be a moment away from a windfall.

I might not be a God's follower but I guess all these is enough to prove that either Facebook is good enough to know whatever I'm facing, all these are pure coincidence or God really exist. Its up to you to judge (: Comments alright!

Anyway, videos are uploaded like F-I-N-A-L-L-Y. One was Ben doing Jigsaw puzzle all on his own and the other is my cousin on stage. Its all super random and not clearly taken so just bear with it uh. I will try to upload the other pictures as soon as possible. Guess all these are enough for the long wait? TAGS PLEASE and PLEASE PLEASE click on the ADVERTS!!

2009-10-02T02:36:00.006+08:00

Ages since I updated. Did thought of updating but time wasn't really on my side. There's so much to handle. When I thought that things are gradually getting better, everything plunged. To the extent of no one having a solution to salvage. The urge to scream, the urge to cry.. The urge to shout everything out. I'm only 18. Be it I'm a mother or whatever, I still 18. How much do I have to go through, how much do I have to handle. Why do people have to go through deep trouble before learning how to think twice? The responsibility is on me, the person that gotta account is also me. Can't they just spare a thought for me? When there's trouble, everyone think for themselves. Who cares about us. Not even willing to think of solutions, no sight of repent.

I lost hopes and faith thoroughly. Unless we step out of this, or we will never search for the peace. Guess this is what they meant by 'A leopard never changes its spots'. From the very first time till now, things only worsen, no sense of guilt shown, no words of apologies said.

Don't worry, I will still stand up and walk forward be it how difficult it is. I believe that as long as we cam walk out of this, the road ahead will be better. At the very least, I still have friends showing concern for me. After all my nags, it's time for the videos and photos. Do enjoy!

Cherie Hearts Sport Day 2009 - 07082009
Didn't managed to capture much as phone went out of battery.

Ben and Zen's Birthday - 14092009 04092009

2009-09-03T20:22:00.002+08:00

Been a few weeks since I last updated. Don't know if all my readers are still here. I'm thankful for everyone whom make the effort to read what I've been blogging about be it you are really concerned about me or are you just being curious. These few weeks I've been spending time with family and friends. It makes me realized that actually without money, without fun doesn't mean that's the end of the world. In fact, with friendship and kinship, it feels like you owned everything in the world. Thinking back about how I used to ignore the ones that cared for me, the advices that are best for me and purposely committing mistakes makes me felt so naive and ignorant. Though everything had past and I wouldn't say I regretted but in fact, these mistakes are what I've gotta face for the rest of my life. Time couldn't be reverse and there's nothing I can do to undo it. I know the price is too big but I will still make the best out of it.

These past few weeks was a little unlucky as Ben and Zen was sick and I was also infected by them. But we are on the verge of recovering already. To be exact, we have already recovered. But just in case, I will still wait for a few days to make sure that Ben is really fine before sending him back to school. Though my eyes are fine now, sore throat and flu had come for me. Don't worry, I will take of myself and I know I have to. Thanks for the concern everyone showed.

Actually spending time with family ain't that bad. Had been going over to Granny's place almost everyday. Didn't know that by sitting around, chit-chatting about the past with family can actually be so fun and enjoyable. I'm glad that throughout these 18years, even though without a rich family, without a loving Dad, I still have others showing concern for me. Went over to Dad's family side for prayers. Everything is still the same. Nothing to talk about, nothing worth talking about. I can feel that Dad really love sister and that's the love I couldn't felt from him all along. I wouldn't say that he is bad or I'm jealous but just hope that the one he's loving now will be worth loving. I'm already contented with what I have now. For those that have noticed, tomorrow will be Zenfred's first birthday. Sad to say, we wouldn't be holding a celebration as my Grandpa had just passed away not long. It might be a little unfair to Zen but I guess he will understand. Though we wouldn't be holding a big celebration but I guess we will be making some other plans for him. Anyway, my little sister's first birthday are around the corner too. So just wish her a Happy Birthday too. Guess Dad will hold a nice celebration for her.

Meeting up with Sitoh and Jas are still as fun as ever. The craps we had, the funny photos we took and the never ending chat we shared. Also met up with others like Gerald, Garry and Shimin and Xianshao. Talked about everything under the sun. The words that they said, I will never forget. Thanks, my friends.

Job-hunting currently. Had a few jobs introduced by friends but wasn't able to turn up for the interview as Ben and Zen was sick at that time. Though I missed the chances, but I will still wait for more opportunities to come by.

Life wouldn't always be so bad, be it for you or me..

♥ SHiR signing off

2009-08-24T18:54:00.002+08:00

14/08/2009

Funeral and everything had ended. Lots of things running through my mind at a time. Last Thursday, everyone went to the hospital to visit Grandpa. Friday morning I sensed that something's wrong. Yet I did not went to the hospital nor call my mum. Instead I sat in front of the computer and publish my status in Facebook saying "If angels do exist, I wish they will appear right now"

Hours later at Benfred's sports day, brother called and said that Grandpa had passed away. I knew what had happened yet I couldn't speak. Funeral lasted for a week and I can sensed that everyone is exhausted. Us, feeling so helpless not knowing what to do.

There are times that I wanna let it all out yet I couldn't. I didn't want to do the rituals at all. I knew that if we do that, Grandpa will forget us and go to another world. I didn't want that to happen, neither do I want Grandpa to forget me. I knew how much things I wanted to tell Grandpa but its all stuck in my throat. Memories flashed. From sending me to school, bringing me for breakfast and even giving me extra pocket money. He used to dote on me alot and yet, I broke his heart once and once. Even when he was sick, he still asked if I'm alright, is Ben and Zen alright but never did I went over to visit him.

Ah Gong, I knew its too late to say everything. I knew the hopes and expectation you have in me. Since young, you were by my side giving me all the love and concern that Dad didn't show for me. I'm sorry to disappoint you. You were the one whom dote on me most. Why did you go so suddenly? I'm still waiting for you to attend your great-grandchildren s' birthday. Don't worry, when they grow up, I will tell them how much you dote on me and them. Thanks for all your love, care, support and concern all these years. You were the best Ah Gong and I love you!

23/08/2009

Just changed a new CPU. Though its better but I miss the old small and cute one. Guess I will never learn to treasure before I lost it. Time seems to fly. 2weeks past just like that. I still can't get used to life without Grandpa. I will still remind Ben not to make too much noise in the kitchen in case he wakes Grandpa up but only to remember that Grandpa is not around anymore.

Ben and Zen is sick. Both having fever and Ben's left eye is swollen. Last few days really had a hard time looking after them. Zen kept crying and Ben didn't want to take his medicine. No matter what ways I used, he still insist. Luckily now their fever had subside. It might be Zen's teething period thus the fever. Now he has got 5tooth already. Will try to take more pictures of them when they fully recover.

So much things had happened. Life is really so fragile. In one's life, we may get to know many people and befriend many friends. Who will be the true friend that really stays when you need them? Sometimes, human are just so practical. Only when something bad happens, then you realize which are the good ones..

Anyway, just want to take this chance to thank those that showed me your concern during that period of time. Be it your short text, words of console or your visit. Thanks!

P/S: Don't forget to click on the adverts after reading!

Pictures taken on the day we visited Grandpa

Small update.

2009-08-22T01:16:00.003+08:00

A short update for now.

Please be patient to wait for more updates and pictures.

Computer broke down and the 2 kids are sick currently. The new cpu might be here tomorrow so hopefully I can upload everything by next week.

Actually I've already started typing my post but halfway I saved it. Couldn't really continue due to my emotional side. I will try to finish everything as soon as possible when the new cpu arrived.

Thanks to everyone whom showed me their concern and care during this period of time.

I will be back soon! :)

T.T

2009-08-07T12:23:00.000+08:00

Won't be updating these few days. The pictures and videos that I owed will be uploaded around next week. People looking for me might want to contact me through phone. And those that I promised to meet up with, I guess I might have to cancel the meeting as my Grandpa passed away.

Angels, I thought this morning I told you to appear already? Why didn't you appear and let him leave just hours before I told you. Afterall, you don't exist. Now I know, you can't be trusted.

I'm shocked. I'm sad. I don't know what I'm talking about. Whatever ~ Bye.

12:34:56 7/8/9

2009-08-01T21:58:00.001+08:00

Alright. As promised, updating in progress. I will try my best to update more often. Hehe.

Events for this following month: 12:34:56 7/8/9 (Meaning 12:45:56 at 7/8/9)
: National Day = My mum's birthday

I remember there's still a few people's birthday but couldn't remember who eh. So just wish all of them a Happy Birthday yah!

Hmm. Actually I feel that I'm quite fortunate to be born at this century. At least I've seen eclipse, countdown towards millenium and now even 12:34:56 7/8/9. Towards all that happened to me, I wouldn't bear the grudges against my family, neither do I blame anyone for it. No matter whatever happens, I think that compared to some other people out there, I might be considered the lucky one. So if one day, you feel that the whole world is against you. Try to think back of the lucky things that happened to you. Sometimes in life, you've gotta go through the bad things before the good one comes. Speaking about this, actually everyone will think that how bad can that be, imagined being pregnant at the age of 14. Yet I didn't regret at all cause' if at that time I didn't get pregnant, I wouldn't know what is kinship. It was that mistake at that time that bring my kinship back to me. At times, different perspective might bring you different feelings.

Back to kids again. These few days, they are quite obedient. Waking up early in the morning and sleeping early in the night. I find it easier to look after them this way. I've try to increase Zen's intake of cereal and other weaning food. He seem to like food more than milk. Everytime I feed him, he will finish everything up quickly. Less than 5minutes and the whole bowl of cereal is gone. Fast uh? Haha. As for Benfred, he eats slower. At this age, he likes to run around, taking this and that or even watching tv, thus he might take 10-15 minutes to finish up his lunch/dinner. Okay, I realised Benfred speaks Mandarin more than English. Maybe it might be due to the home environment. I'm trying to speak English with him while the rest still continue to communicate with him with Mandarin.

Its not that Mandarin is no good but just that I realised if his english foundation is not good, he will find it hard to cope when he reach Primary School. This is what happened to most of my cousins too. Since I already knew it, I ought to take the opportunity and try to teach him the best. Isn't it? Okay, I think I side-tracked. Back to them.. Zenfred grow another tooth! So now he has got 3teeth! 2 on the lower gums and 1 on the upper gums but at the side. I don't know why is it like that also. I thought mostly grow on the front? His is so weird, with 2 teeth on the lower front but 1 on the upper right.

Wow. Unknowingly, I spent half an hour typing such a long post and that exclude uploading the photos. Guess that will be all, my readers! Hope neither one of you will fall asleep in front on the monitor. And yeah, before I forgot. I know my family is worried about me. Please, not to worry. I'm leading a fine life. There's nothing to worry about. Once again, thanks to everyone who's worried about me and my kids.

♥ Shir signing off

Ben&Zen

2009-07-25T23:31:00.000+08:00

I know I've been neglecting my blog for a long time. Firstly, I wanna thank everyone whom showered me with their concerns during this period of time. Currently, I've no intention of updating my personal matters as they aren't really solve yet. But I know everyone is missing that two little brats and so, this post actually is all updates about them.

In another one month's time, Benfred and Zenfred will be celebrating their birthday together. I still have no idea how are we going to celebrate it but once its confirmed, I will post it here. Going through quite a few obstacles these few months. Hopefully, I can overcome them without hurting anyone. Anyway, let's not side-track. Back to Benfred and Zenfred yeah..

Benfred is going to school consistently now. He can really speak alot. At times when I threatened to punish him if he's naughty, he will still tell you, I don't want to be naughty. Something that surprised me is that he can actually sing quite afew songs. Other than those children nursery rhymes, he can actually sing 'Right Round' and 'Nobody'. I'm really stunned when I heard him sing, though its only that few sentences. Next time if there's a chance, I will try to video it down.

Okok, now to Zenfred. His second tooth is currently growing. I've took some pictures of him which can see his first tooth and it's damn funny lah. Anyway, he can really climb and sit. Next is learning how to walk. He can actually walk afew steps if there's a table or support for him to hold on. Recently, due to his uncomfortable gums, he's been screaming away in the middle of the night. Gotta really go and comfort him quite often. I hope he can learn how to walk before his birthday? I remembered Benfred still can't really walk when he's one year old.

Hmm, a little update about myself. I'm really feeling tired and shag out. Gotta bring Benfred to school early in the morning and fetch him in the evening. when the night comes, and Benfred is asleep, Zenfred starts his nonsense and start screaming all the way. Almost spending all my time at home looking after them. Outings and meetups had been cut down also. I'm really sorry for those who I've kept rejecting. I didn't do it on purpose yea.

Guess that's all about it. The pictures shall tell you the rest. Stay tuned for my next update alright? Love ya peeps!

♥ Shir signing off

Gave up
2009-06-29T13:26:00.003+08:00
Maybe its destined for everything to turn out like that.
Just like what others said, we won't last long.
No matter how hard we try, the outcome will still be the same.

I guess I've hurt you deeply.
I have no idea what you really want.

I've seen the past us acting our story again.
The past and memories flashed across my mind immediately.
Why can a 13years old kid face up to her feelings but yet we can't ?

You're still you.
No changes.
If I can have a wish, I wish that you're invisible.
So I will never have to see you using the computer, talking to others.

After all, after a one big round, we're still back to the same point.
Just that we've wasted 4years of youth.
Still, a sentence from you and I'm still willing to give up everything for you.
Just a sentence will do..

Seriously, what is love?
Even the couple whom used to be envied by others can turn out like this.
I've no hopes anymore.
Maybe the best thing that I should do, is just learn to Let Go.

Give me that sentence, won't you?
Give me that hope, can you?

我爱你，爱着你
就像老鼠爱大米..

老鼠爱大米到底去了那里？

♥ Shir signing off

Mixed up

2009-06-22T11:58:00.004+08:00

Didn't expect that there were actually so many people viewing my blog though they didn't leave any tags behind. Realised I can't just publish whatever I want here. I hate to be questioned and neither do I like to explain what I've written. Guess next time I shall just cut short all my updates. Anyway, my blog is not dead. Just that Shirley is pure lazy to update.

Life's like a drama. Things are kind of complicated nowadays but every thing's fine. A short cool down might be good for everyone. I don't care about what other people think or look me as. True friends will know while the others are just a passer-by in my life. Suddenly, this sentence came into my mind: Friends come and go, only the real ones stays. However, how long can someone stay by your side? Everything will still come to an end one day. I've learnt to let go and cherish what I have now. No point reminiscing the past or wondering about the future. Just enjoy and treasure the present. Time waits for no men and youth is short!

Outings, outings and outings! Great Singapore Sale is here and everyone is so busy grabbing things off the shelves. Of course I did went shopping. Which woman will want to miss out the sales? I think no one can resist the words "SALES". Haha. I want more shopping kakis! Sabrina, Jaslyn and Sitoh will be my next shopping kakis and of course, Mahjong kakis too. I'm so looking forward to our next outing, Girls!

Watched, 'Drag Me to Hell' and 'Ghost of Girlfriends' Past'. Both are good! I won't say that 'Drag Me to Hell' is a horror movie but to me, its kind of a comedy with gross scense. However, 'Ghost of Girlfriends' Past' are really unexpected. I thought it might be a comedy or love story but ended up it gave me alot of inspirations. I really wonder what a true love means. So, catch it if you're free. You might just meet the prince charming/princess you're yearning for!

Oh ya, yesterday was Happy Fathers' Day. Though we don't really celebrate this but we still went out for dinner with Grannies, Uncles, Aunties and Cousins. Didn't enjoy it much but still a Happy Belated Fathers' Day to all Fathers! I've to confess, I didn't even send a sms to wish my Dad. I know how unfilial I'am. But I just can't bring myself to after all those incidents. I guess he don't even want me to disturb him la, so hopefully he's happy with his wife and daughter celebrating with him.

Everyone is missing Benfred and Zenfred, asking why didn't I bring them out. Not that I'm not willing to bring them out, but sometimes the place that we are going is a factor also. Now that H1N1 is spreading, I won't want to bring them out and take the risk. So, if you wanna see my kids, don't hestitate to give me a call and visit them at my place! Oh yea, and speaking of them. Zenfred finally had a tooth. Its not fully grown yet but its damn cute la. You can see half the tooth on his gums when he smiling. I will try to upload all the pictures on the next post. So readers, just keep visiting for updates!

P/S: Leave a tag so I can know at least link you or view you too! I'm glad to have a friend more =D

♥ MrsLaoshu signing off

♥唯一的，你

2009-06-09T14:12:00.000+08:00

原来一切早已注定该这样
无论再多的拼命也一样
再多的努力与投入也白费

我早该看清所有的一切
总以为爱能战胜所有
到头来都是空一场

为何总要到最后才后悔
或许这就是人类的本性 - 从来不考虑后果

两个人，知错了，但总应为某些原因而死要逞强

最痛苦的并非我们
这点我相信我们比任何一个人更清楚

或许让彼此自由就是最好的解决方式也是对彼此最好的解脱
大家都累了
好累好累

Used to thought that love can conquer everything..
Forsake everything for the sake of love but just to realised that it's gone.

2 person, in the wrong.
Yet no one is willing to admit it just for some reasons.

Waste?
Yeah.

Maybe letting each other free might be the best solution.
Everyone's tired.
Real real tired.. ..

♥ Shir Signing Off

2009-06-07T00:49:00.004+08:00

Guess this gonna be a long wordy post again. I'm sorry for all the words. Might not have the time to keep blogging and therefore, it will gonna be a summary of the past few weeks.

Basically, past fews weeks is all about gaming, funeral, meetups and shoppings. Had known a group of friends in Steps, which is also known as the Audition-like Game. TwinnyJ and Terrence were also playing it. With real-life friends inside and slowly knowing some other online friends inside makes the game very enjoyable, especially when we crap. Haha. I know you guys will be reading this. Here are their IGN - MissyJ, Sh3rSh3r, ExDancer. Proud to see your name here? Hahaha. If anyone is playing, do let me know yea? We shall meet inside. Heh heh!

Anyway, back to main point.. My Grandfather passed away. Is actually my Dad's side la, which means my Dad's Dad. Truthfully, I find it hard to feel sad. My Dad's side actually lived in Jurong and we lived in Tampines. From what I can remember, since I was Secondary 1, I didn't went there anymore. Probably due to the seperation of my parents that made me feel more even distant than them. Since young, we seldom went there except for Chinese New Year. So after the seperation, even during Chinese New Year, we didn't even go over for Reunion Dinner. Remembered last year, my Mum told me my Grandfather was sick. I think he had Brain Cancer if I'm not wrong. I did visited him with my Mum and Benfred. After that, there weren't any news or updates anymore. Suddenly last Thursday, I recieved a call from Dad asking about both my sons' name. The next day, my Mum called me and told me about the death of my Grandfather.

Seriously, I don't know how I should feel. There isn't any sadness or grieveness in me. Even till the end of the funeral, I didn't shed any tears. I used to be a girl whom teared easily. Yet now, the one that's gone is my Grandfather but there ain't any tear. At times, I will think that they are unfair. I'm their decendants too yet they only care about the capable ones or should I say the male heirs. As for the us, the female, we are always being treated shabbily. The one that made me felt most disappointed was actually my Dad. Yea, now that he's got a China wife and a half China daughter, I'm out. The care and attentive that they got is what I yearn for in the past. Till I'm 18years old, I've never felt that way before.

I know I should stop comparing but still, the unfairness is driving me mad. Yucks, forget it! Let's talk about others. Met up with Jaslyn and Michelle the week before last week. Slacked and chill as usual. Met up with TwinnyJ, Aisah, Aisah's Bf and Terrence. Went Bugis for shopping. I think everyone felt worth it uh? All back homes with loads of stuffs. Planned to have steamboat but once again, plan failed. Marina Square for lunch-cum-dinner and back to Tampines. There's so many things that I wanna get! The Uniqlo Jacket, Gucci Perfume and clothes from Busstop. Drop me some money pls, Heaven ~

Oh shit! It's 1:20am already. I promised TwinnyJ to wake up at 7am tommorrow. Guess I shall just stop here. Anyway, plannings for shopping trips anyone?

Am I that unimportant? A wife that you known less than 1year, a daughter that's only 8months is far more important to you.

17'th May 2009 - Jaslyn, Shir, Sitoh (I'm being forced by them to take the above photos)

Pictures below are taken on 6'th June - Marina Square

Taken & Edited by Sh3rsh3r

♥ MrsLaoshu signing off

2009-05-20T21:58:00.003+08:00

Sitting at a corner wondering..

All sorts of scenario appeared. I know how senseless it is. It might just be my over-sensitive acting up again. Images flashed and I'm feeling so helpless.

Just what causes the changes in us?

3'rd party or the immature us? The young and ignorant us that thought love can conquer everything. The naive us that wanted to hold each others' hands and grow old together.

It seems so far now. The future is so bleak. When I imagine of the future, you doesn't seem to be there anymore.

Where did all my confidence gone to?

I used to dream of having a family with you. Now that it had realised, everything has changed. I miss the past, the you and the me.

My needs are simple. A true heart filled with love and care. Yet it seems so hard for you. Happiness and love are all miles away. Please, return them to me! I need all my motivation back.

I admit, I'm not the most perfect woman out there. Pretty babes, capable woman, sexy hotties are all out there. But, I swear you won't find another one who love you as much as I do.

For you, I've changed. I promise I will change for the better, hoping to be the perfect wife in your heart. Yea, you've changed too. I know deep down, you did. But why did all your love and concern disappeared too?

I'm possesive and unreasonable. You're mine and I won't let any other woman snatch you away. It hurts me deep down to see you being close with others. I'm unreasonable because I want your coax. I felt I'm the most fortunate woman in the past to have someone whom love me so much. Now, here I am with you yet feeling so empty.

When I'm happy, you aren't by my side to share my happiness. When I'm sad, you didn't feel it and neither did you give me your console. I just wanna share my everything with you and I'm always there to give you my support and hugs. All you need is to accept and do it.

Why can't we be like other couples?

Sitting down, hugging each other while watching television. It sounds simple. But to me, it is happiness. I don't mind staying at home everyday but all I need is you around me.

Candy, I do love you and I always will.

But, are you?

2009-05-16T13:41:00.001+08:00

Ta Dah !~

As promised, pictures of Ben and Zen is here. I've finally got time to upload it. Gradually, they're growing up, slowly learning what's life is about. I hope whenever they fell, I'm always there to help them up. Its really tough being parents, be it Daddy or Mummy. There used to be a Chinese saying, "生比教容易" meaning its easy for you to have a kid but its hard for you to teach the kid. It needs alot of effort and patience teaching them.

When I'm young, I took everything for granted. I got so used to the life of depending people around me. My relationship with my family ain't good either. I smashed all the hopes they have on me. At that time, freedom and fun was the life I want. Till the day I got into trouble, the one whom appeared and helped me was my Mum. Being a underage Mum at that time was illegal and Candy might be facing the punishment of law. Luckily, Mum was there to help us out be it forking out money or effort. I finally realised how foolish I was at that moment.

Now after being a Mum, I can fully understand how much hurt I've brought to them at that time. I wouldn't say I regret being a young mother. If I didn't got pregnant at that time, maybe my relationship with my Mum wouldn't change for the better.

Life's just so contradicting. When I faced Mum, I will think as a kid hoping Mum will put herself in my shoes. When I faced Ben and Zen, I will think like how Mum did. If I put myself in their plight, I wouldn't be stern and they won't be afraid of me. Ben is going to be 3years old soon. Though everyone says that he's clever and is learning things at a faster pace, but which Mother wouldn't hope that their kid can learn as much things as possible. He's such a hyper-active child. If you wants him to sit down and recite A-B-C for you, I can assure you, its mission impossible. There gotta be something to attract him before he can recite it to you. He can speak alot now but he makes it a point to repel what you say. Sometimes, I can faint when talking to him. Well, down to Zen. He's still too young to see if he's a quiet or active child. But one thing, when he screams, it is really so high pitch that even Candy can't take it. He can climb very fast and he's learning how to walk now. I seldom put him in the walker (the chair with wheels) as I'm seldom in the living room. But he can actually stand up by holding the sides of my bed or his baby cot. I notice he doesn't like hard food and prefer something soft. I tried giving him Baby Bites but he will just leave it aside. When I make fruit pureen or brown rice, it will finish everything up. As to compared with Ben, they're miles away. Ben loves biscuits at that age and dislike eating soft food. I don't know how their relationship will be in the future, whether its as good as brothers or as bad as enemies. But at least for now, I know that they both enjoyed the company of each other.

Sometimes, I will sit alone, reminiscing. I wonder how long can everything last. When I just got together with Candy, we were every couple's role model. Everyone was so envious of how sweet and loving we are. Slowly, honeymoon period is over. The couple world changed into a family. The changes we made, the sacrifices we did. No one else knew except us. Still, no one can escape the temptations out there. The quarrels and misunderstandings we had is far too much to be count. Though now, we're still happily together but how long can we go on? If there could be a time limit, I hope its eternity..

Mr 老鼠 and 小老鼠s , I love you !

Video of Zenfred climbing.

P/S - For your info, I took 1hours and 15minutes just to complete this post.

♥ Mrs Laoshu signing off

Happy Mothers' Day

2009-05-12T08:13:00.001+08:00

Updates Updates!

Met up with TwinnyJ on Wednesday to for collection/passing of stocks. Walk around Bugis at the meantime. In a blink of an eye, money flies.

Met up again with her on Friday for mailing of some items. Decided to meet Terrence in the evening. Crapped, slacked, shopped. Oh yea, Terrence's ghost stories aren't scary at all!~

My family decided to hold the Mother Day celebration earlier and informed me only in the evening. Woke up at 8pm and rushed to prepare. Bought presents and headed over to Mum's place. Geyland Lor 29 was the place we went to and honestly, their food are nice. Headed home at 1am. Played game all the way till 11.30am and went over Mum's place to help out.

Left at 6pm, met Darling and his family. This time it's his family's Mother Day celebration. Kaki Bukit this time. Their food are really bad. Might be due to the overwhelming response, that's why their standard dropped. Heard previously theirs was quite nice.

I must confessed, I'm kind of guilty for not buying any present for Darling's Mum. Too broke this month. Spent all my money on clothings. Rauph Lauren especially. Anyway, Darling's Mum went to Genting yesterday morning. Hope she have a nice time there.

Happy Mothers' Day to all the Mothers whom slog their whole lifetime for the sake of kids. (Though I might be a little late)
Anyway, there's a song named 妈妈 by Vanness Wu.
I specially dedicate it to all the Mothers. Thanks for Everything!

*Thanks for those whom wished me, I treasured it..

Wednesday, 06'th May 2009

I will try to upload the rest of the photos as soon as possible.

Kind of lazy >,<

My Cbox is kind of quiet recently. Is it due to my lack of updates?

♥ Mrs Laoshu signing off

♥

2009-05-04T19:44:00.004+08:00

Firstly, I wanna wish Jasmine (TwinnyJ) a Happy Birthday. Hope she had a very enjoyable day yesterday.

Secondly, I hope that my brother (Andy) will recover soon.

Last but not least, I want everyone around me to be happy!

This post shall contain only the happiness. All anger and sadness are erased.

As mentioned, it was Jasmine's birthday yesterday. Went to TopOne for Singing Session and we sang for a total of 7hours at a go with only $20spent. It's not as expensive as Kbox but it's service don't lose to Kbox. Next, was back to Tampines to meet Terrence. He actually walked past us, I guess he couldn't regconize us. After some catch up, off to Century Square for dinner and mum's shop for bubble tea. After Terrence went off, we're left with only me and Jasmine. Talk and talk and talk. It seems like we have never ending topics.

Anyway, it was my first attempt watching a Malay Movie. It's a horror film. I confessed, I scream when I watched it. All horror film lovers, you should catch it!

Ratings: 3.5/5

TwinnyJ - Do learn to treasure what comes by. No matter what happens, I'm here for you yeah. Loves <3

Sis Fen - We are seldom free for each other. This coming off day of yours, we're definitely meeting up!

29'th April 2009

3'rd May 2009

♥MrsLaoshu signing off

Lost.

2009-04-28T16:50:00.001+08:00

I don't know what I'm searching for. My aims and goals are all messed up. At times I don't even know what I really want. Decided to do this personality test. And yeah, it is kind of true. It really describes me well.

Try it: http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx

Your view on yourself:

Other people find you very interesting, but you are really hiding your true self. Your friends love you because you are a good listener. They'll probably still love you if you learn to be yourself with them.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You are not looking merely for a girl/boyfriend - you are looking for your life partner. Perhaps you should be more open-minded about who you spend time with. The person you are looking for might hide their charm under their exterior.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.

The seriousness of your love:

You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

Your views on education:

You may not like to study but you have many practical ideas. You listen to your own instincts and tend to follow your heart, so you will probably end up with an unusual job.

The right job for you:

You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don't focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success.

How do you view success:

You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:

You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.

Who is your true self:

You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.

It just turns out that I'm such a lousy person with low credibility.
I yearn for nothing but your trust.
Since its meant to be like that, I've no choice but to follow.

Above pictures taken at Nick's BBQ(Ricky, Ricky's Gf, Ronald, Zeelia, Mildred, Vincent, Michelle, Anna, Jasmine, Nick, Benfred, Shir, Kiat)

♥ MrsLaoshu signing off

Disappointments
2009-04-25T10:26:00.003+08:00
ＳＨＩＲＬＥＹ YONG　SIEW ER has finally sorted out her thinking.

It is time for me to grow. Although none of my body parts are growing, at least my mind and thinking did (quote from Gerald) and I agreed! Time isn't going to solve anything. All that matters doesn't seem to exist. Where did all the love and trust gone to?

Finally, I've seen how cruel the reality is. Within a night, I realised the one I used to know had changed. I didn't expect things to go haywire and the worst is the disappointments that I recieved.

Truthfully, I did regret. There are way too many regrets that I have in my life. If there's a choice or chance, I will definitely treasure what I had in the past. I won't be rebellious anymore. Neither will I fool around. The most important thing is I wouldn't let my family down. I know how much disappointment I've brought to them and I know how much I've hurt them. All I want to say is "Mum, I'm sorry."

I knew the expectations my family had in me and yet I purposely let them down. Everyone have regrets in their life. There's no way I could undo my mistakes nor go back to the past. But at the least, I know that from now on I will think twice before making any decision thus leading to no regrets.

My decision is final. I'm left with no choice. If this is the only step, I guess there's no other way but to go ahead with it. There's no way to communicate if there's no trust. If there's a reason behind it, I think it all lies within a word, 'TRUST'.

Anyway, life's great recently. Caught up with many friends updating each other and I've finally regained my friendship. I've lost way too much over the past 4years. Friends is really important in life though I know that Family are too. At times there are just some things that you can't talk to your family and that's when Friends are needed. And yeah, since Secondary school, everyone has been saying I'm very alike with Jasmine and that is what we both disagree. Our classmates thought we are sisters, teachers mistook us and even outsiders think so too. Yesterday, Jasmine's brother saw us and he took me as Jasmine. Oh my! He is Jasmine's real blood brother can and he can even get mixed up. Well, I found a picture which we took in the past. Should be around 2004 or 2005. You shall be the judge!

P/S: I don't know if you're reading this. But please, get this in mind! Friends are meant to be there for you to share your happiness and sorrows. They are not meant to used! Don't you find it life meaningless when you have no friends at all ?

♥ Shir Signing off

Irony =/

2009-04-15T04:44:00.002+08:00

Life's been the same, except meeting suppliers and customers. Kept meeting up with Jasmine (The Twinny) since last week. Went to Tampines 1 last Saturday and seriously I've been awaiting it but yet I'm not the least happy when I came out. It is so damn crowded that everyone is squeezing me no matter where I go. AND AND AND, I've yet to step into Uniqio!!

The anger in me on that day wasn't just about the crowd. (Jasmine, yea I lied.) I thought I could get over it.. In fact, I can't do it. Or should I say, I didn't expect so much changes within a week. Instead, I ignored advices and stepped into the hole for the second time. The hurt that I got was even deeper this time round. I knew what was going on and what's gonna happen but yet I still go ahead with it. Dumb and naive, that's the only description I can find to describe myself.
Guess that's what life is about - You will never get what you want and the one you get is never what you want.

Back to my kids..

Benfred can really count 1-10 already and it is like FINALLY. He used to miss out the digit 4 but not now. Saw his teacher just now. His teacher actually said that he's a very good boy nowdays. He very afraid of a auntie there as that auntie scolded him before for not drinking water. There was once when he secretly ate his pacifier and when that auntie came, he quickly hid it behind his back and tell the auntie "No Tutu". OH MY! So young already know how to lie, next time grow up confirm even worse.

Zenfred is making more improvements, learning how to stand up on his own by grabbing things. He may fall but at least he is trying. Climbing is no problem to him anymore. Nowadays he can make more noises like "Um ba". But the worse is, he plays with saliva and I have no idea where he learnt it from.

Benfred and Zenfred do get along well although sometimes Benfred might bully him a little. Today when my mum tried to carry Zenfred home, Benfred actually stopped her and tried to snatch Zenfred back. He will also make Zenfed smile. Just that sometimes when Zenfred plays with his pacifier, he will get angry and complaint to me. Afterall, I think they're great! Was kind of busy for the past few weeks to take pictures/videos. Hopefully, I can put up a few in the next post.

My precious N82 is spoilt. :(
The bag that I've recieved was too long. (Maybe I'm too short) :(

Jasmine, I guess you're the only whom understand and I'm really glad that you're with me all these while <3

I swear I'm fucking hurt by you.
If you don't give a fuck about it, why even bother to in the beginning?
I feel like hating you but my heart can't.
Damn it, I felt fucking stupid.
Why on Earth did I know you?!
Please.. Let me go back to the past.

♥ MrsLaoshu signing off

BBQ ~

2009-04-05T02:44:00.005+08:00

Just got back home from Nick's BBQ. Yeah, it is his 21'th Birthday. It feels great, seeing all the familiar faces around me again. I remembered the last time we met, I'm pregnant with Zenfred. Now, Zenfred is already 7months old.

Woke up at 8pm today. Yes, 8PM. I know I'm lazy, I admit! Rushed to prepare and down to Tampines Mall with Benfred and Darling. Nick said that he wants a leather belt. After a walk at Isetan and BHG, settled down for a Picard belt. Felt so hungry and Darling suggest to eat at Ramen Ten. Ordered a Kiddy Set for Benfred. His Kiddy Set really can't make it. With a few fries, 2 small pieces of chicken and sushi comes up to $6.90. Well, they served Benfred's order the last. I think they ought to serve Kiddy Set first as children eats slower, isn't it?

Anyway, I think Benfred had a real good time today. Everyone was playing with him and Ricky bought him a toy. Running here and there, playing with balloons and eating hotdogs. Greatest regret, he fell off the stone chair and hit his head. Lucky there wasn't any bumps.

When it is time to cut the cake, Benfred sang the Birthday Song. Everyone was stunned la as he's the only one singing and they didn't even know he could sing. I can sense he really enjoyed alot today, falling asleep in the cab even before we reached Tampines.

People asked if we will have a 3'rd child. Well, it is kind of hard for me to answer this question. In the meantime, definitely no. In the future, I might. I'm still young and there's still a long way to go. Maybe in the future, when Darling had completed his NS and everything is stable, we can have a 3'rd child. I hope it a DAUGHTER by then!! Regarding marriage, I think it wouldn't be that fast. Getting married cause' of children, it is just not my style. I don't want to get married because of marriage. Don't worry, if I'm getting married, I will invite those who kept reminding me to invite them. Haha.

Read the tags on my Cbox. Drifting apart from your partner, quarrelling almost every other day seems to be so familiar. I went through that too. At that time, life really seems so dull. It's not that you don't love your partner but sometimes, quarrel just can't be avoided. Even the tiniest thing could make you and your partner have a big arguement. Relationships are always like that. Once you past the honeymoon period, quarrels and arguements starts to come in. If you're meant for each other, you will definitely go through all the obstacles. If you're not, it is meaningless to hang on if your partner doesn't treasure you.

Love is like a pizza.
In order for it to turn nice, you gotta keep heating it with love and romance.
Once it turns cold, it will be hard to bite and swallow.
Thats is why people are always turned off by cold pizza.

Pictures will posted as soon as I get them!

Once again, HAPPY 21'th BIRTHDAY to NICK !~

**Spree Lovers, Do check PerfectionSeekers for updates. PG MALL, TOKYO FASHION and WONDERLAND IS UP!

♥Mrs Laoshu signing off

$%&!@#

2009-03-29T12:13:00.005+08:00

Why is all this happening again?

I really had enough!

I ain't that strong,

and I hate to be strong in people's eyes.

The more people think I'm strong,

the more I couldn't let them see my weaker side.

Who on Earth can I talk to?

Where the Hell can I go to?

The one closest to me seems to be the furthest from me.

We are so close,

facing each other everyday,

yet we have the furthest distance in between us.

You've changed,

you really changed!

To someone I'm so unfamiliar with.

Not someone that I can talk to,

neither someone that I can depend on,

definitely not the one that I can spend my lifetime with.

I need you the most,

yet everytime you chose to leave me alone.

When I'm angry,

you aren't there to appease me.

When I'm sad,

you aren't there to wipe my tears.

I'm worrying terribly, seriously!

Having no idea what to do.

Is this the end of everything?

Come on,

I'm a woman and I need what all woman needs.

Love, Sense of security, Care and Concern.

Everything is too much for me to handle.

Emotions are getting the better of me.

Don't push everything to me,

Think back first.

♥ Shir Signing off

2009-03-26T01:31:00.001+08:00

Apologies to everyone who've been waiting for my updates. Time was not on my side and life's still the same. Either go out for a walk or looking after kids. Can only remember going places like Bugis, Pasir Ris, Paya Lebar and Tampines Mall.

Went to Tampines Mall today with Darling, Benfred and Darling's Mum. Met up with Jasmine and Amanda for awhile. My shopping mood is here again. Buy things almost every single day. Back home, mahjong-ed and off to 201.

Brought Benfred to the pet shop. He simply loves the pet shop. Looking at the hamsters, rabbits, fishes and parrot. He even gotta say "Bye Bye Rabbit" before going off. Benfred is picking up things fast now. I don't even know he know some of the words like 'Sun', 'Truck' and 'Pig'. Really surprised when he can answer my questions. Got really fed up by him nowadays. Kept asking me "What's this", "What's that". Laughs.. I think next time he will be asking "Why, Why , Why".

Zenfred can sit and climb a little already. Though he might tumble around but at least he is progressing. I tried feeding him Banana and he loves it. If I feed a little slower, he will be jumping around screaming away. He can grab things already and the next minute you see, the item is in his mouth.

Had a quarrel with Darling 2days ago. I just hate being left out when he is hooked on the computer and when I'm using it, he will be sleeping away. He promised me to use only at night. Well, though he hasn't break his promise till now but I hope that wouldn't be temporary only.

Long relationships are really hard to maintain. Especially for me, I think.. I love to be pampered and I think that only exist for couples whom just started. Time will fade everything, isn't it?

Benfred: "A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V CHEESE."Background: "HAHAHAHA".

Benfred: "A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P (Breathe..) Q R S STOP."
Background: "HAHAHAHAHA".

New instocks and preorders up! Do visit and support! Bling Earpice, Bags, Instock clothes from HongKong and also Instock Bracelets and Earrings from Korea only available HERE~

♥MrsLaoshu signing off

White Valentines' Day

2009-03-14T17:25:00.006+08:00

Zenfred had his immunisation jab on Thursday. He's now 6months, weighing 7kg and a height of 61cm. The nurse says that according to the graph, he's short. Oh my! I don't want my son to be as short as me. It should be heridity cause' me and Darling aren't tall. Maybe next time when he learns to walk, I should teach him how to skip also.

Benfred went for a haircut yesterday. His hair is too long and messy. It is really hard for him to have a good hairstyle cause' his hair is damn curly. He should look more alright now without the messy hair. Yesterday when the auntie tried to cut his hair, he kept turning around to see what the auntie was doing. Hard to make him keep still. Luckily he didn't turn alot, if not his hair might be ruined by now.

I've got new soft toys again. Yesterday went to Tampines Mall with Darling and his mum. Darling kept insisting on wanting to catch bears. Actually I wanted a brown bear. Spending almost $40 yet still didn't managed to catch it. Went to the other machine and end up catching a dwarf. Played the so called 'Jackpot Machine'. We were real lucky! We only reached the B column and we hit Jackpot, straight away got prize. 2'nd time haven even reach the A column. 3'rd time at A column. Brought home 4soft toys and a big bag of goodies!

Now I know why blogshop owners kept blacklisting people. It is really hard to submit everything when people kept delaying for payments. We don't want to keep pressing them but they just keep dilly-dallying. There's a girl whom ordered Hp Charms from us and even submitted the order form already. She say she can't transfer us so she wants us to meet her for the payment. Jasmine offered to meet her on last Thursday 4pm, but she say can't make it due to school. Today, I offered to meet her again, which is a weekend. Yet, she wanted us to wait till the holidays are over. Oh my.. I've wasted so many sms reminding her, postponed our closing date just for her and end up, she went MIA without replying me.

I'm not angry over her cancelling her orders. I did sms people whom didn't make payments to let me know if they don't want it anymore rather than just MIA. Is informing people that hard? Sometimes, it is not your absence that makes people angry, is you not informing that makes people angry.

Well, maybe that's just Humans' instinct. To avoid than face it.

By the way, it is White Valentines' today. In Japan, girls give presents to the guy they like on 14'th Feb. On 14'th March, the guys will reciprocate it back. If you didn't recieve the guy's present, it means that he don't like you. Well, I do wonder why can't the guy give the present on 14'th Feb first.. But anyway, once again, 愿天下有情人终成眷属!

Below are the videos on Benfred and Zenfred

Benfred with his new hairstyle

P/S : New items are up. Do visit! Click here. Clothes, products and instocks all available!

♥ Mrs Laoshu signing off

Madness

2009-03-10T08:50:00.000+08:00

Finally met up with Fen Sissy after so long. Our mouth won't stop once we meet, from the moment we saw each other till we reached home. Time seems to flies when we meet cause' 6hours is already past before we knew it. It's great to meet up once in a while, updating each other about ourselves. I swear the next meet up will not be that late again! It is freaking scary when the bloody cab with two uncles inside keep staring at us. Luckily we walked to another side first before going seperate ways. (6hours of talking still not enough, talked in MSN another 3hours.)

Oh yeah, yesterday when I was returning home from Grandparents' place, there is 2cats near the lifts. After awhile, they kept pacing in front of our door. Their "meows" give me goosepimples man! One of it even jumped onto our shoe rack and peeped inside. Aww... Just now when I came back, the cat is at the staircase. I almost scream when I saw it, worrying it will follow me home. Lucky it didn't if not I really have no idea what to do.
For your information, I'm afraid of cats.

Went to Grandparents' house yesterday. Though we live nearer now, the amount of times we visited them didn't increase. I know I ought to treasure them while I can but time doesn't allow me to. Grandpa's condition seem to turn better and that is something good. Anyway, trip to Genting with JSM (Jaslyn, Sabrina & Michelle) is cancelled. But my family is going this March holidays. Wondering if I should go with them.

Fen Sissy updated me about the O' levels already. This year, there is still O' syllabus. Meaning I can still ask for help from friends. If I wait for next year, it will be new syllabus. The O' levels examination cost $500 man. Super expensive compared to those taken in school. Argh.. Kind of broke without job plus I think I need a tutor. Hmmm, I should really consider this carefully.
SOMEONE, HELP ME ~

Okay, back to my kids. Zenfred is having his appointment 2days later. Hopefully he is fine these 2days if not I will have to cancel his appointment. As for Benfred, he enjoys singing nowadays. Songs like "Row your boat" and "Baa Baa Black Sheep." He can count 1-10 already but I don't know why he will always miss out the digit 4. Next time I shall video down him counting or singing!

There's actually lots of funny incidents about kids. Just thinking about it will make me laugh. Like once, Benfred's teacher told me that he complaint about his friend not wanting to wake up after naptime. I was shocked that he actually know his friend's name. Kids do have unlimited memory and talents. Their way of absorbing is much more faster than us adults. They do learn things very fast, it is just a matter of do they want it. They might be young, but never belittle them!

Taken at Tampines Mall on last Thursday

♥ Mrs Laoshu signing off

2009-03-06T22:07:00.000+08:00

Went Compass Point on Monday again. This time round we had time to walk around. Bought a hat for Zenfred. It's kind of cute. Haha. I think I had a picture of him with his hat.

Venue for Tuesday was Bugis and Chinatown. Darling's Mum went to collect her ring at Chinatown. After that was shop hunting at Bugis. Shop hunting sort of fail cause' the rental was either too high or the location of the shop wasn't good. Economy is so bad yet the rental is so high. How bad can that be.. I guess that's how the rich gets richer. Anyway, things like this needs to have patience. Can't afford to just anyhow find one. Hopefully, we will find a suitable one soon.

Good reaps on that day anyway. I've bought a waist-belt for myself and 'Left 4 Dead' CD for Darling. His mum bought him a Hugo Perfume and a 22'inch LCD monitor. He's now so addicted to the computer, playing Dota and L4D. So that's the reason why I can't blog for days. Jasmine and My aunt has been complaining why I'm not online. No choice, that game freako gotta ease his addict. Haha.

Benfred's principal told me that he seldom drink plain water nowadays. That's what happens at home too. He loves Green Tea (like me) and Milo (like Darling). The principal also said that he's not so picky when it comes to food which is unlike other children. Whenever it is tea break or lunch, he will shout 'Yeah' and finish up the food not leaving a single grain. Yet at home or out dining, he just refuses to finish his food. He always finish his Green Tea or Milo instead. 2 different types of him. He knows how to act in front of his teachers!

As for Zenfred, he's already 6months. When we put him in the rocker-cum-bed, he knows how to sit up on his own. I know its confusing. I did take a picture, so you guys can understand.

Went to Tampines Mall yesterday for dinner, Darling's sister wanted to go to the arcade. Benfred enjoyed it the most, playing the junior basketball and car machines. He likes it so much that he didn't want to go off. Had a real hard time pulling him off the rides. Pictures of yesterday are still in my phone. I will try to upload it soon. So for the meantime, make do with all these =)

P/S : I will upload the rest of the photos soon!

♥ MrsLaoshu signing off

Aches
2009-03-01T22:33:00.003+08:00
Went for the job interview and waited for 2hours before the doctor had time to meet us. Still pondering if I'm up to it. Another factor that's affecting me is the working hours. My off days are only in the day and for a full day shift, I gotta work from morning till night. Kids are my only worries. Anyway, Darling's Mum said she got a friend who helps to babysit. If I'm working, might be able to get her help. Still, Benfred's childcare are only available till 7.30pm.

Went Compass Point with Darling's Mum and Elder Sis yesterday. Hadn't been there for a long time. I remembered the last time I went there was because I worked there. Since then, I've never been to there. Not bad, quite a big mall with lots of sales going on. Didn't buy anything, was in a kind of rush.

Brought Benfred out today but I forgot to take a picture of him. He's super naughty, insisting on buying toys. Everytime we go out, he's bound to bring toys home. This time, he bought 3cars and a toy phone.

People whom read my tagboard should felt quite weird, cause' I seldom use such a tone to talk to people. I didn't wish to.. I do welcome people viewing my blog, know more about me and my kids and I don't feel annoyed when people asked me more about those intimate questions like, 'How you feel when you give birth to your kids' , 'Did your boyfriend get charged' or even 'How you give birth'. I guess I'm quite sensitive when people thought I'm living off my parents or I depend on them. I'm actually not. When I'm pregnant with Zenfred, I still worked and it's really tough working there. People like Passerby(: would have know cause' they actually seen me. At that time, Darling is busy working too and we totally have no time to sit down and have a talk. He's working at night while I'm in the day. At that time, I guess its the toughest period that I've gone through.

With a big stomach, carrying Benfred to the childcare. Worked in a cramp place, serving so many people with the hot and stuffy weather the whole day. It is so tiring that I've aches and cramps every night. Why is this so? Cause' I'm not using my parents' money. I earn my own keeping. I really don't understand what burden did I give my parents. Yea, I admit I didn't give my parents' any allowance every month but still, is this considered as giving them burden?

When I read the remarks on my tagboard, the ache in my heart suddenly came. I've suffered so much, sacrificed so much and yet people still thought that I'm just living off my parents. If it is really this case, I don't have to suffer so much at that time...

People always thought, "Wow, 2kids already. Next time when they grow up you will have a good life." Yet, they always overseen what I've suffered and sacrificed in order to have what I have now. People always see the appearance like how glory and happy are you but the hardship is always in the inner side where no one else know except families. That is why I treasure my families..

I hope Passerby4 will think back on his/her remarks and from the bottom of his/her heart respect us as young mums. Thanks!

P/S - I hope Darling will be discharge tomorrow! I simply miss you!

♥ MrsLaoshu signing off

2009-02-27T21:10:00.002+08:00

Once again, my tears rolled down today. Why is it so hard to control my tears? I successfully did a few times, but after a few times, it rolled down automatically. Actually why do I have to stop myself from crying? What's wrong with crying when I feel sad. Guess that's the difference between animals and human. Animals doesn't hide their feelings or true self yet human does. Human hides their fear and sorrow from other people fearing being laughed at. How sad can it be..

Anyway, on my Bugis trip on Wednesday, we saw Fish Leong Jing Ru holding her autograph session there. We purposely went on a weekday so it wouldn't be crowded. Still.. the crowd is there. Didn't expect there will be autograph session. By the way, Fish Leong's voice are sweet and she is pretty!

I fed Zenfred with Baby Food again today and this time round I remembered to take pictures! Guess he enjoys it cause' he finish up the whole bowl! Shall buy more back to feed him soon.

Benfred's school gave us a letter saying he had attend a 'FutureKids' trial programme. It is a course about computers for children aged 4-14. They will teach children how to use programmes like 'Storybook Weaver' and 'Open Office'. I think the school had arranged for him to attend the course weekly. But he is only 3years old this September. They did attach a print out about Benfred's work. Shall post it up if I can.

Went Queensway Shopping Centre today. Oh my.. I went to the wrong shopping mall la, it is all guys' fashion there. If you're buying for guys, there's the right place. Things are cheap and nice. Bought a Crocs shoe for Benfred. With the Scooby-Doo picture there. Showed to him when he came home and he said he don't want. After putting it on, he didn't want to take out. I guess thats the difference between genuine and imitation goods?

Oh yes, I'm going for an interview tomorrow at a Dental Clinic which I rang them up like weeeeeeeeekks ago. Finally they called me up. Good luck to me alright! Shall update again maybe tomorrow when I know the results? Haha. Finally both my little brats are sleeping. I woke up at 6.45am today, unbelievable uh? No choice. Yawns..

P/S: Darling, I Miss You!

♥MrsLaoshu signing off

Random

2009-02-26T21:36:00.001+08:00

Out for the past few days and seriously my shelf has got no more space for my Hello Kitty Collection. For people whom know me well should know I'm a Hello Kitty Freako!

I've got Hello Kitty Table Lamp (gift from Darling's younger sister), Hello Kitty Clock, Hello Kitty Keyboard (gift from Darling's elder sister), pairs of Hello Kitties, Hello Kitty Soft Toy and Miniature of Hello Kitties (gift from Sherin).

Now I've got another pair of Hello Kitty soft toy and Hello Kitty homewear slippers. Yesterday Darling bought me a Hello Kitty Hair Dryer. I've tried it, not that bad. I think it is better than the current one we're using. Hahahaha.

Went shopping at Bugis yesterday. Wanted to buy a Guess Wallet but the colour I want was out-of-stock. Saw it at BHG but was too disappointed to buy it. Maybe I should just aim for a Gucci one?

Yesterday Benfred should be the shopping winner. He seriously bought lots of stuffs! Toy guns, toy camera, Barney homewear slipper, and Barney VCDS. Uh, did I ever mention he is a Barney lover? Since last year, he's so in love with the purple dinosaur that he has got a Barney bag, 3 Barney soft toy, a Barney bolster, a Barney shoes, a set of Barney fork, spoon and plate, lots of Barney VCDS and clothes.

Darling also not bad, got 2new pants, a new ashtray (when the old one was only a week old), a black bird homewear slippers and 2 boxers. Okay, speaking of him.. I can only sigh. Had no idea what is he thinking about. Everyone is worried about him yet he just kept insist on doing silly things. Seriously, I miss him loads now. Tried real hard to let my tears flow back but I can't. He isn't the romantic one, neither is he the gentle one. Yet, the one is my heart is him.

We've gone through ups-and-downs, high-and-low during these 3years, 4months and 4weeks (1247days). Some people may feel its hard to face the same person for such a long time, they will get bored or even sick of it. I thought I will feel this way too, but surprisingly, I didn't.

Love is a miracle. The way you love your partner, they way you love your family. Your family will be your family, always.. Since the day you were born, you gotta live, stay and face your them everyday. You may feel tired of them, but still, you do care for them. When they aren't by your side, you do miss them. When you treat your partner as your own family, maybe you will care for them, love them unconditionally. I think that's what Love meant to be. (Kind of random to be saying this here)

Another 15minutes to 8pm. I can call Darling by then. I'm struggling, thinking if I should make the call. Perhaps, I should let fate decide..

Anyway, Zenfred had started eating Baby Food. He's learning how to swallow. Tried to fed him just now. Things didn't turn out as bad as the previous times. He's also eating Baby Bites currently. Slowly, he can cut down the intake of milk. Milk powder is really too expensive la! $120 per month (Zenfred).

So, teenagers who still want to enjoy your youth and freedom, save money for more shopping, please do safety precautions. Children are cute but when it comes to handling them, it isn't fun anymore. Don't let yourself be caught in a dilemma. Think twice and learn to say NO!

Tops/Dress/Jackets are up!
Do visit if interested.
CLICK

♥ MrsLaoshu signing off

2009-02-21T08:22:00.001+08:00

I know Chinese New Year and Valentines' are over. Still, I wanna wish everyone a good health and prosperity year as well as all couples last eternity!

These are all my updates over the past few weeks. Finally all the pictures are up! I only uploaded a handful, there are still more to come. Be patient alrights!

First up is a photo of Benfred in a traditional costume for his school CNY party. Everyone claimed time past in a blink of eye. Last time when people just saw him, he is still a little baby. Now, he can already jump, walk and even talk.

Met up with my primary school clique and this time round, we are united. Everyone turned up and we had a good time chatting. We even planned to go Genting during March. All of us are excited yet worried. Hopefully, things will go smoothly.

Next, was Darling's birthday. His 19'th years old birthday. I think I mention this before in the earlier posts but didn't post some of the pictures up. Darling is going to be OLDER. No more teenager but an ADULT!

Forward forward, should be Zenfred's appointment for immunisation. No worries! All the nurses said he's cute and played with him. He loves to smile alot so that should be why everyone are attracted to him. He's already 7kg and are learning to sit in a walker-cum-rocker. Here's a recent photo of him.

Uh yeah, time for Valentines! Met up with Aunts, Uncles and Cousins for a midnight show. Again, Cineleisure with 12people. This time round, we watched 'The Curious Case of Benjamin Buttons'. The story is nice, just that it really dragged too long. The whole show lasted for 2hours and 40minutes! I'm in an urgent need for toilet and I hate to leave the theatre halfway, so I got no choice but to ENDURE. It's kind of worth watching cause' you pay for a ticket and get to watch almost the duration of 2movies. Save money huh, especially when you watch movies to waste time.

Darling played the UFO catcher and caught me a Hello Kitty and Dear Daniel. The next day, he surprised me with a Diamond Heart Necklace. I'm angry initially cause' he took so long to arrived but when I saw the present, my heart melted. I'm not being materialistic, just that he seldom took the initiative to surprise me.
DARLING, THANKS AND I LOVE YOU!

Lastly, met up with Secondary school friends, Jasmine.Hling. After such a long long time, we finally meet up. Suifeng came over too, of cause with her baby Dylan. Baby Dylan is 3months old currently. This is the first time they both saw Benfred and Zenfred. Guess they are shocked. Benfred are already a toddler and Zenfred already 5months old. I'm looking forward to the next meet up!

p/s: I know I look ugly in that photo but no choice. I'm at home thus the auntie look.

By the way, peeps. I've just started an online shop with Jasmine. Do check it out! CLICK

♥ MrsLaoshu signing off

Perfection ?

2009-02-07T09:10:00.000+08:00

Hadn't slept a wink yet. Still, I'm as awake as ever.

I love watching dramas and movies. They create a sensational yet emotional me. I can't stop thinking about the ending, the characters and stories. People always describe me as someone emotional. That's really something I gotta admit. I tends to put myself in that character's shoes or even imagine if I were him/her. Guess that's the reason why I always tear while watching.

I'm someone pursuing perfection and happy endings. Life is full of irony, without perfection. Yet, who doesn't wants a perfect partner, a perfect love, a perfect kinship or even friendship? Everyone yearns for perfection, isn't it? Be it in studies, career..

I used to think..
Why can't things be perfect? Cause' people aren't perfect.
Why can't people be perfect? Cause' this world isn't fair.
Why is this world unfair? Why do riches get richer while the poor get poorer?
Guess the main point is, there isn't any perfect answers to all the questions...

The person whom understands you best should be yourself. I'm don't understand myself at all. I don't know what I'm really pursuing. I'm so contradicting, fickle-minded and irony. Why am I pursuing perfection in the first place?

Can people really don't mind others' opinion/views?
Can a person really do whatever he/she wants without minding how others look at him/her?
Even if there's people judging you, mocking you, will you be able to ignore them and lead your life happily?

Maybe some people might be able to, but I guess I can't. I take remarks very seriously. Though being a young mother will tend to be judged and criticised, I don't mind. Be it for my kids or family. But when it comes to other areas, I can't.

I ain't someone perfect, yet demanding perfect.
Is there anything that's perfect in me?

♥ MrsLaoshu signing off

Judge a book by its cover

2009-02-03T18:49:00.000+08:00

Almost 2weeks since we moved into the new house. Still trying to adapt to the new environment. I'm very familiar with the area here as Granny stay here too. However, the bus services do confuse me. (I tends to get lost easily)

3/4 of my clothes are still in the bag. Laziness gets the better of me. I do love buying clothes but I hate folding them, tidying them. All that's left in that house is just some accessories and stuffs. Gotta go back and clear everything within these few days.

Benfred is really talkative nowadays. He didn't went to school since last week. Every minute, I can hear him talking and talking. Watching Doraemon and Barney was his pastime. He learnt alot out of it. I remember an episode of Doraemon saying "Migrate to America". Well, when I brought him downstairs, he told me he wanna go America. During Chinese New Year, he did say "Gong Xi Fa Cai" and he love Ang Pows. I brought him to the movies with my cousins last week. Could see he enjoyed it. Too bad we watch midnight movies and he fell asleep for the last half an hour. This kid may tends to be mischievous at times, but when you spend time with him, he will show you his innocent and cute sides.

Zenfred is learning things day by day too. He knows how to make sounds using his mouth and also roll his body, laying flat on his tummy. He smiles alot now. When he smiles, I could see innocence and naive in his eyes. Learning to grab things now. My Granny call him "Little Pomelo" as his hair and head do have the shape of it. Fen and Vivian said he have a heart-shaped head.

There's a few pictures of Benfred and Zenfred in my phone. By then, can see if they do have any resemblance.

18 this year, getting older. I know I can't waste any more time. I need to get my priorities right. An O's certificate is a must. If I were to go for it, I can't afford to fail. It's so contradicting. I don't know if I could do it and I have no confidence at all. In fact, for the last 2years of Secondary life, I didn't study at all. What's more, this is a self-study examination. Meaning I gotta study on my own for the 6subjects without any teachers or tutors. I'm wrong to dislike teachers in the past. They are there to help me, yet I didn't appreciate it.

It's true that different age have different thinking. What I thought in the past aren't what it seems now. What I did in the past seems to be foolish. Does this mean I'm growing up, seeing more things now?

What you are seeing are the appearance, who knows what's underneath.
Under the smile of that face, might be a crying soul.

♥ MrsLaoshu signing off

Movies Marathon

2009-02-01T17:26:00.003+08:00

Movies, movies and movies.

Watched 'The Wedding Game' with Darling, Garry, Rabbit, Gerald and Eunice on the Chinese New Year eve. Saw Peirong, Peijie and Huina outside the cinema. They watched the same show too. Such coincidence.

Not bad afterall, just that the ending was lame. Suddenly jumped to years later. Don't know if their acting were too convincing or its due to they were real lovers. Their scenes of lovers were really sweet.

Heard they getting married this year. Ooohh, Congrats.

Watched 'All's Well End's Well' on first day of Chinese New Year with my family. Sat one whole row in the middle and end up watching a lame movie. Urgh!

Friday 30/01/09, Darling's birthday. Gave him a Piere Cadin wallet. I can sense he like it alot. He went out with his friends at night while I went to movies with my family again. Hahaha.

Watched 'Inkheart'. Nice show, to me. The graphics were alright, the sounds are good and most of all, I loved the story.

I wanna watch 'Love Matters' next! Sponsor me money, SOMEONE!

I've loads of photos in my phone. Blame me for being a lazybum!

Destiny Plays Human

2009-01-28T14:41:00.001+08:00

Year 2009, moved house, a brand new start.

Thought things would go well but yet everything went unexpected.

I want a better year, a better life. What's the point of staying in the past when everything is moving forward. Time waits for no men. I don't wanna waste any more time. We aren't young anymore.

Things are going beyond my control. Having no idea why things change drastically. When I thought everything are fine, things changed.

Thinking we could start afresh, let go of the past and have a stable foundation, this is what I've got. Tired and sick, I could hold no more longer. All that I could do, I've done it. There's no more strength left in me to salvage everything. All's that left is motivation from kids to my goals.

Goals in 2009 - Gain employment.
- O' levels Certificate.
- Better life.

Brand New Start

2009-01-24T13:50:00.003+08:00

What's done can't be undone,

What's done are over.

Let the past go,

and start everything anew.

♥ MrsLaoshu signing off

Heartfelt words..

2009-01-12T01:00:00.003+08:00

Baby..

I seem to be wrong.

Having no idea what's going on.

It supposed to be a 2person matter.

But why is there 3?

What's happening to me!?

I'm pushing my luck.

Understood that I've gone over the limits.

Yes, you have the every right.

But why am I upset?

I'm waiting, controlling and enduring.

I want to be loved, to be coax, to be hugged.

Not by anyone but you.

The one and only you.

This feeling is being bottled up inside my heart.

My emotions are trapped.

I don't ask for everlasting love for that don't exist.

All I care is if it did happen.

I'm sorry to bring so much confusium and sadness.

I never ever wanted things to be like that.

Yet I couldn't control.

I couldn't stop thinking.

How long must this go on?

I don't want to hide as it hurts me to the very core.

At the same time, I don't wanna hurt you.

I'm waiting..

Waiting for your courage and guts.

Waiting for a new chapter of life.

And as a new chapter of my life begins, it begins with you.

♥ MrsLaoshu signing off

Condolences

2009-01-11T08:40:00.000+08:00

One matter yet resolve, here comes another.

I knew I'm wrong this time, very wrong. Hurting people around me with my words and actions. I admit, I'm too rash. What's done cannot be undone and what's left is only waiting.

Things seem to be getting better and yet Darling recieved a call from Gerald about Garry's grandma. She passed on.

Everyone is bothered about this. Garry's buddies are all very close with her. Though I seldom come in contact with her but it's really sudden for everyone to accept. The only incident I remembered was that we were at Garry's house sitting around and chatting. I don't really understand what Garry's grandma was talking and everyone had to translate for me. She's a nice and sociable person. Including every remarks and describtion I heard. All I can say is everything is too sudden for everyone to accept.

Benfred's bruise is getting better as time past. The doctor did an X-ray. There's no crack nor injuries except that blue-black. Zenfred's check up is fine too. He's already 5.8kg. Had his immunisation injection. Slight fever for the first day but after that, everything is fine too. Thanks for everyone's concern. I really appreciate it.

Friends, please restrain your grief. I would like to extend my deepest sympathy to Garry and his families.

♥ MrsLaoshu signing off

Doctor, doctors and doctorss

2009-01-07T05:59:00.001+08:00

I'm waiting for 6am. It sounds stupid, I know. I'm finding myself stupid too.

I've finally booked Little Precious' appointment. 8am in the morning, last slot. First time having an appointment so early. No choice, we missed it on Monday.

Sad to say, Precious gotta see a doctor too. He climbed up the back of a chair and due to his weight, the chair fall back. He fell and the chair dropped on him. He hurt his lips and cheek. Lips are still alright, just a little bleeding and it's already fine. As for his cheek, he swell up immediately leading to blue-black.

When's he was young, he did fell down also. That time was his forehead. It also swell up like this but it was 3times more swollen than this. At that time I was really frightened and brought him to the doctor straight. He was so shocked that he didn't make a sound after crying. When we wanted to touch him, he was so afraid too. After seeing the doctor, he advised us to go KK hospital for a X-ray in case there's any crack. Lucky he was fine or I couldn't forgive myself.

This time round, he should be okay. He wasn't in a state of shock and neither was he feeling tired all the time. We still wanted to bring him to the doctor for safety precautions.

Ever seen a leaflet given by a doctor. When a child falls down and hurt his head, if there's a swell, immediately use ice to reduce the swell and at the same time bring the child to the doctor. If the child keeps feeling sleepy or tired, do not let him/her sleep. If the child is sleeping, be sure to wake him/her up every now and then to check. If the child doesn't wake up, bring him to the doctor immediately. Hope all these might be able to help some people when they are facing this situation.

Precious is really unlucky. Since young, he's been falling down every now and then. The places he hurt is always important places like face area near eyes, forehead and back of head. If he hurt his knees or arms, they will definitely bleed. How sad can it be, a 2years old kid enduring injuries everytime.

It gonna be Chinese New Year soon and yet his face is bruised. Hope the blue-black will go off soon. I typed this entry to pass time and now its 6am soon. I will update the condition of both my kids once I reach home. Pictures will be upload too.

Thanks people, for showering your support and encouragement. At the same time, thanks for spending time to read. Loves <3

♥ MrsLaoshu signing off

The Little Nyona

2009-01-05T19:23:00.001+08:00

Needn't to say, you all already know this drama uh? This drama on Channel 8 is really freaking popular now. Wherever I go, people are discussing about it. Even the Malays stay tuned to Channel 8 just to watch this show. And.. This drama is officially the 'Most Watched Drama in the last 15years'. It is really unbelievable.

Hard to say actually. I'm someone whom won't stay at home for the sake of drama and the dramas that I've watched on television is always incomplete. Yet, I've already finished watching The Little Nyona and moreover, before Channel 8 started.

This show really motivates me alot, especially Juxiang. A woman bringing up a child on her own is already hard and what's more, she is deaf and mute. Her determination and strong will is what makes me touched and that's also what I'm lack of.

I'm surprised by how people can resort to all kinds of unscrupulous ways to get what they want. Yet, I'm even more surprised that people can actually forgive and forget that easily.

"What yours are yours" - How true. Zhenzhu and Meiyu tried means and ways to get married into Chen family but ended up, they suffered more than they enjoyed there. Chen Sheng and Chen Xi still don't love them in the end.

Lots of thoughts and feelings came up to me when I was watching this drama but it's kind of hard describing everything here. Oh ya, I heard from my mum that my grandpa was actually a Baba too. But they, the older generation didn't tell us much about it.

Sad to say, I'm like what Anqi said in the end. A person whom don't know his/her own family history is like a leaf not knowing its a part of a tree. I'm a Hakka but yet I know nuts about my family history, family language and even family culture. My dad has never told us anything about our grandmother, grandfather or even himself. He don't even teach us our own dialect. My Hokkien, Teochew and even Cantonese is even better than my Hakka.

Regarding the ending of The Little Nyona, Yueniang and Chenxi still didn't get together. Why? Different people have different answers. Some said she was guilty against Yuzhu, some said she want her own life. If she was guilty towards Yuzhu, that was after she went back. Why did she turned back only after she reached the railway station? She loved Chenxi alot but why wouldn't she accept him?

Well, I had no idea why she ran away after reaching the railway station. But for me, I feel that if she really felt guilty against Yuzhu, she ought to be with Chenxi. Yuzhu sacrificed herself in order to help them get together. All that happened is already the fact. So all the more, Yueniang should be with Chenxi so that all the pain and torture Yuzhu suffered was worthwhile. Lucky Chenxi was with Libeier at the end. If Chenxi didn't get to know the truth and accepted Zhenzhu, wouldn't Yuzhu suffered in vain?

People, give me your answers please! Flood my tagboard with it. Thanks! I really want to know why.

Anyway, this is really a fantastic show. Glad that I've watched it.

*Kudos to the director, scriptwriter and everyone who taken a part in it!

♥ MrsLaoshu signing off

4months of life

2009-01-04T06:41:00.000+08:00

04 Jan 2009 - Little Precious (Zenfred) 's 4months.

Fast uh? Zenfred is already 4months. He's still a little infant knowing nothing. For these past few months, he can only drink milk and sleep. From today onwards, he can at least have some baby food. I'm really looking forward to feeding him.

In the past, I did feed Benfred with baby food and cereal but he always make a mess out of it. With experience from the Benfred, I guess I will do a better job.

Children are really innocent and naive. Especially babies and infants. Looking at them, it really eases your heart. They always show an innocent look that let you calm down your heart.

Benfred, though not a infant anymore but he's still a toddler. He will do what he wants without thinking and sometimes he actually did things that surprise us. They won't hide or conceal their feelings.

Kids are actually better than adult like us. You can feel if they are really happy or sad and compared to adults, we tends to hide our own emotions. Children won't be scheming or plot down traps to harm one another. So isn't it better to live with kids than with adults?

Looking at them everyday really gives me the motivation to carry on my life happily. They learnt new things, talk to me, smile at me and even playing with me. What more can I ask for?

So even if there are people out there whom despise me, despise my kids or even my family. I guess they are wrong, oh so wrong. I never ever regretted giving birth to any of my kids. Even if I broke up with Darling, I will still look after my kids alone. So what's the big deal about having kids at the age of 15? Come on people, wake up to your senses. What era is this now? Lastly, I won't be angry over remarks or people like that but they are just showing people how childish they are.

In year 2009, I hope I can earn lots of money while I can and give my kids a better life. Though my kids aren't having the best of everything but at the least, I provide them with whatever they need. Those that they have might not be the best but at least they've everything they need and want.

♥ MrsLaoshu signing off

3 Years And 3 months

2008-12-29T18:27:00.004+08:00

29'th of December. Our 3years and 3months Anniversary. 1188 Days of Love.

Remembered when we first started, we did exchanged present on our 1'st month anniversary. We didn't plan to but just that the chemistry is there. That is the first time I gave present to a guy whom's not my family members. Scene of then was still vividly on my mind. I gave him a Zippo Lighter and I got a Winnie the Pooh soft toy.

Seems just like yesterday. Really not easy to be together for such a long time. There's really alot to tolerate and change. Everyone have different living styles and habits. What you like might not be what others can accept.

Falling in love is easy, being together is easy. What's hard is living together.

If we didn't stay together, maybe our conflicts and arguements might not be that much. Still, these times had passed and we're getting fine living together. Instead, now if we were seperated not living together, I guess we might not be used to it.

Darling might not be a 100% good guy or give me a good life. But his tolerance and understanding is what makes me touched. When I'm tired, he would wake up and look after the kids. If I'm angry or throwing tantrums, he will always give in. Yes, he hurt me in the past but if he's willing to change, I'm also willing to forgive.

He's in camp right now, recieved a touching message from him and this is what he says

"Darling, I know I always make you angry but please forgive me okay? I really love you alot de but I also don't know why I everytime like that. Maybe I love you too much ler."

It's just a very simple message but I'm really very touched. People whom knew him will know he's someone not very good with words. I seldom recieve this kind of message from him either.

Things that have past are over.

I may not be able to forget the hurts but I'm willing to forgive.

Yeah, till now, all the pains and aches are still in me,

but don't worry, I'm still in love with you deeply.

Whatever it is, I just hope you are leading a happy life with me.

No matter what, we will be together forever.

♥ MrsLaoshu signing off

Merry Christmas!

2008-12-27T00:01:00.000+08:00

A Merry Christmas to everyone! Had fun during Christmas? I didn't. What a sad and boring Xmas! *Grumps* It was actually raining the whole day on Xmas eve lo, wanna go out also hard.

Since young, I like to imagine that Singapore is snowing, everywhere is covered with snow and beautiful lights. I'm very contradicting lor. I'm very afraid of coldness but I love snow. I think its very beautiful plus Shirley in Chinese is 雪丽.

Guess I'm very fortunate to live in Singapore. There's no war nor earthquakes. Everything is stable just that taxes are too much. Singapore is a country where law is controlling everything. Though at times, we may find it too overbearing but it's definitely better than those countries without laws isn't it? Those kind of places are just too dangerous. Singapore aren't cold either but I can go Snow City if I really love snow. Ha.

2008 is coming to an end and 2009 is reaching. Hope things will be better in 2009. Goodbye 2008!

Get to know a quote recently.

"Rather be tearing with a smile than to regret with tears flowing down your face."

Actually it's in Chinese, but I translate it. In Chinese it means "宁愿笑着流泪也不愿哭着说后悔"

I think its kind of true. Even if I were to regret any decision/choice made in the past, I would rather smile with a tear than to regret crying bitterly. At the least, I learnt from it. So what if I'm crying with tears covering my face, regretting sadly? Things won't go back to what it is before. This might help some who's facing this kind of problem to get back to their feet. Remember always, never to be crying cause' you won't know who's in love with your smile!

♥ MrsLaoshu signing off

Responsibilities/Used to?

2008-12-24T06:10:00.001+08:00

I've just completed the post on Benfred's performance and I spent almost hours (to be exact, I dragged almost 2days) on it. So lack of sleep nowadays but still I'm not tucking myself under the blanket.

Easily fustrated nowadays and the one whom always suffered is still Darling. No idea why. The tiny weeny little things that he do can make me kick up a big fuss over it. Even if he did nothing, my attitude towards him is still like that.

I've already got so used to life without him, being independent and everything but now, he's on medical leave till this Friday. Almost a week. I ought to be happy isn't it? Just that the stress, pressure and everything is pushing me, till I couldn't breathe anymore. I felt our relationship changed, but I couldn't figure out what had changed. Maybe I'm not as good as what people always complimented, 'a good and understand girlfriend'.

About what Passerby123 asked, I guess it's not responsibilities that kept us going on. I don't need him to take up the responsibilty anyway. In the past, I always thought that without him, I couldn't survive. I was wrong, so so wrong. Without him, I can still bring up my kids, handling everything alone, get on with whatever I'm doing. Those days that he's working, in camp, outside hanging around, I still get on fine, isn't it?

To me, it's a habit, a used to. We are so used to sleeping together, living together and seeing each other. We can know what each other want even without telling. I ever thought if he really loved me or is he just can't get used to life without me. Well, I could never get the answer from the mouth.

Remembered a message he sent me yesterday, 'I want to be with you till the day I die.' Easy to say, easy to send. I never ever believed in true love ever since I started dating. I simply can't trust man! There are too many real life examples. Sad to say, my dad is one of them. That's also one of the reasons why after having 2kids yet still we aren't married.

"One day, he will leave me for another", this thinking never left me before.

We(maybe only me) never used to have these kinds of problems in the past. Why, till the stage when everything couldn't be turned back... then I started to lose faith and trust?

Aren't supposed to be thinking that much anyway. Since he says he loved me, I ought to believe him. I will try, treating it as an investment, slowly putting back my trust into him.

Uh, I've got loads of photos to upload but... I'm pure lazy! Will try to upload them once I can.

P/S - What a random and senseless post *Rolls eyes*

♥MrsLaoshu signing off

Cherie Hearts Year End Concert

2008-12-24T04:22:00.001+08:00

Finally all the pictures are into my computer. Still, my laziness got the better of me and thus leading to slow update. Pardon me! In order not to have a long wordy post, this post shall be on Benfred's performance. The rest of the pictures shall be up in a few days time.

This performance are put up by kids aged 18months - 6years old. Cherie Hearts is the biggest childcare group in Singapore and in just Tampines, there's 3 branches. Therefore, these 3branches will all be performing, not just Benfred's.

Firstly when we first arrived, at 1pm, gotta collect the Goody Bag and Seat Number. As for the rest of the time till 2pm, there's viewing of Concert Photos. If there's anyone you like, you may wish to order the photos at $1 per photo. Too bad Benfred didn't attend for the Full-Dress Rehearsal. If not I might be able to buy some photos. *Frowns*

After long waiting time, it's time to get in. There's the arrival of Guest-of-Honour, opening speech and finally 3pm, it's the kids' performance!

Opening Scene

Branch Director (Ms Chua)

br>
Guest-of-Honour (Mr Singh)

He's young! Our host for the day (Daniel)

And finally...

Its our kids' performance!

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TA DAH!!

Speech and Drama Kids

Playgroup 1 Kids

Impatient me, wanting to see how Benfred will perform, hoping he won't cry nor scream because I heard someone like him crying......

Phew! He didn't cry. Just that.. He stood there like a piece of wood. Ha.

Playgroup 2 Kids

'LOW'

Nursery Kids

Grand Finale

So.. After looking at all the kids' performance, how do you feel? When I'm there looking at those kids performing, it really felt great. All the happiness and laughters they brought to us is something really incredible. The parents, families, siblings or should I say everyone there was laughing and yea, its really laughing. Some are even laughing their heads off.

I'm really glad there's a chance like this, looking at the kids innocently trying to do their best. Children have no limits to their knowledge. They absorb things faster than what we adults. Though they might not be performing real good but at the least, we know they are really putting in effort, trying to show us what they learnt in school.

The videos had made the whole post or maybe even my whole blog lag. The pictures and videos might not be clear either. So yea, some may not even understand what's so enjoyable about it. One day, when you get to see your kids perform, I guess you might understand it. Ha.

Anyway, Benfred has got his portfolio and works back. Their teachers are impressive. They actually printed Benfred's pictures and what is he learning into a file so that we could understand them better. If there's a chance, I will try to upload it here.

Thanks people, for reading. Actually it's nothing but you guys made me feel my kids are awesome. I'm real touched. Ha.

♥ MrsLaoshu signing off

Early Bird

2008-12-19T11:08:00.002+08:00

How early I am today. Guess it's the first time I've entered an entry that early. Normally I update in the middle of the night or dawn. Don't be shock, relax! Shirley is always a early bird just that she don't express it out. Eee ka pui! Okok, relax relax. Kidding. People whom know me will all know that I'm a lazy bum. Heh heh.

"Learn to love the people who are willing to love you present. Forget and thank the person who hurt you in the past for leading you to the people you have now"

This used to be my favourite quote which I think it's really true. If I can't forget the past, there won't be another one. Like one of the chinese saying, 旧的不去新的不来. People must always learn to let go no matter how much they can't bear to. The more they hold on, the more they hurt. I thank all the people whom hurt me, anger me in the past for leading me to what I have now. It's all the anger and hate that motivates me to carry on. Hate is stronger than love, isn't it? Though I ain't having good life with a rich boyfriend by my side, but at the least, I have two precious beside me. I learnt more in life, starts to think as an adult and not only thinking about enjoying. Of cause, I thank more to those people whom loved me, helped me and cared for me. All because of you that Shirley are here.

So if you are happily in love with someone or are thanking God that you have someone like him/her. Remember to thank the one whom led you the one you have now. You might still be angry or hate him/her for hurting you, 'playing' with you. But if things didn't happen this way, would you have met the one you have now? If you are the one being hurt right now, don't worry. The next one you meet might be better. By then, you can go back to the one whom hurt you and let him/her know how fine you are now. No point being sad, he/she won't care. If they cares, they won't even hurt you in the very first place.

Met up with Sabrina last night, though not much talking but we did understand each other more. Cheryl came over to pass me Zenfred's clothes too. Thanks my dear! Anywho, Wenxing(Cheryl's Boyfriend) is a liar! He promised to babysit Benfred but he didn't! HAHAHA.

Some of the videos and pictures of Benfred's concert are in my computer already. The rest gotta wait till Darling comes back. I need his phone to upload the pictures. He's coming home tonight. So... Be a little more patient my dear readers!

Stay tuned, alrights.

♥ MrsLaoshu signing off

DREAMS v.s REALITY

2008-12-17T05:33:00.002+08:00

Thought Darling's enlistment would let both of us grow stronger. "Thoughts.." The one that kept bringing me disappointments. I dreamt and thought this way but the fact simply just turns out opposite. Leading me with no more "I wish", "I hope" and "I thought..."

Benfred is returning back to Cherie Hearts after such a long holiday. Centres are closed to due 5cases of Hand-Foot-Mouth Disease(HFMD). As usual, he cried the moment he got there. Oh ya, his teacher didn't returned me his pacifier AGAIN! Had a super hard time looking after him tonight can. And.. He is performing at Tampines East Community Centre tomorrow. He might not have the energy anymore after such a long long night. Gotta video down the performance tomorrow. I had no idea what he is performing and I'm so so excited for it. If you wanna watch his performance, stay tuned!

Darling booked out yesterday but we didn't spend much time together. Instead I went out meeting Cheryl, Wenxing, Jaslyn and Michelle. Had a great great time ~! All the laughters, joys and talks. The talk lasted for almost 6hours! We were concentrating on our talks till we clean forgotten about pictures. Ha, having a meetup again this week. This time round, Cheryl is bringing ZhanQing here. Shall take pictures that day then.

Had a handful of pictures in my phone but can't transfer to my computer. Promised to upload them once I can! So.. Be patient people!

Especially you, Fen! Since ages ago you wanted Benfred's picture up. Hang on, I will take lots of it tomorrow!

Actually there's alot for me to update but.... When I start typing, my mind becomes blank .. .. I'm old?

Maybe..

♥ MrsLaoshu signing off

SHOO, busybodies!

2008-12-11T06:31:00.001+08:00

Defination of a blog : A blog (a contraction of the term "Web log") is a Website, usually maintained by an individual with regular entries of commentary, descriptions of events, or other material such as graphics or video. Entries are commonly displayed in reverse-chronological order. "Blog" can also be used as a verb, meaning to maintain or add content to a blog.
Many blogs provide commentary or news on a particular subject; others function as more personal online diary. A typical blog combines text, images, and links to other blogs, Web page, and other media related to its topic. The ability for readers to leave comments in an interactive format is an important part of many blogs. Most blogs are primarily textual, although some focus on art (artlog), photographs (photoblog), sketches (sketchblog), videos (vlog), music (MP3 blog), audio (podcasting), which are part of a wider network of social media. Micro-blogging is another type of blogging, one which consists of blogs with very short posts. As of December 2007, blog search engine Technorati was tracking more than 112 million blogs. With the advent of video blogging, the word blog has taken on an even looser meaning — that of any bit of media wherein the subject expresses his opinion or simply talks about something.

Above information provided by wekipedia

Understand the meaning of a blog now[?]!
The writer has the right to express his/her opinion or even images/photographs that are relevant to the topic.
Which means I can post whatever I want here for its MY blog.
If you're unhappy with it, come straight to me and give me your opinions.
Don't go round the bush trying to complain.
There's no point.
Or you can just a get blog as well.
BUSYBODIES!

Benfred went to sleep with Mum tonight. At Granny's house. Gotta go over later to accompany Mum for checkup I think. Morning soon and I'm still here. Just finished chatting with Cheryl on phone not long. A great long talk! Ages since I chatted so long on the phone. Caught up alot be it relationships, kids or life. In between Darling called twice. Once around midnight and one about 5am. He can't sleep, woke up at 4.30am. Felt sad and worried for him. There's so little time for them to rest and yet he didn't treasure it. Wondering how is he doing there. From the messages and calls, I sense that he is not getting on well. Life must be really sucks there.

P/S-He's booking out tomorrow and I'm going to surprise him there!

-Cheryl: Don't worry, Girl. Things would be fine. There will definitely be a day when he realise you're the one treating him best. If he don't treasure now, he will regret it one day. Trust me! You're a great girlfriend and it's his loss if he don't learn to let go of the past. I will be there for you no matter what! Feel free to call me. Take good care of yourself and ZhanQing. One day, we shall have a real outing with us and our kids!

♥ MrsLaoshu signing off

Departure

2008-12-09T23:41:00.000+08:00

Accompanied Darling to Singapore Civil Defence Force(SCDF). It a huge and beautiful place, alike to a school. The facilities there aren't bad, with gym, swimming pool, washing machines and even dryers.

Visted some of the places like bunks and canteens. Their bunk are big but with almost 20 beds in a room. Lockers are small but it seems neat. Saw the display food in the canteen. It look delicious but just that its for show. Only for us to see but in actual fact, they won't eat that in camp.

Next up are the oath-taking ceremony. Wanted to take some pictures but didn't know if I'm allowed to. After some orientation and talks, we can see them for the last time before they went in.

Struggling to let my tears fall back. I know I can't tear. Watched him walking in, take a deep breathe and walk out of the place. The journey is long. What's more I'm alone. I need to be strong for that's what I promised him.

Went to Swensens and Mr Prata with Mum and her Bf. Chit-chatted awhile and reached home at 10pm. The calls I recieved from Darling are a few but all lasted less than a minute. Only the last call are considered a conversation with him. He seems to be fine, adapting to the life there well but I can sense unhappiness from him.

Lifestyle and things are different there. Living with so many people in a room is real tough. I know I can't do it. Yet recruits are being treated with little respect. Worst still, smoking is prohibited.

Though Darling kept comforting me and assuring me that he's doing well and everything is alright, just that the only problem is he can't smoke, still I can't seem to stop worrying.

Thought I've succeed in holding back my tears but when we ought to hang up the phone, my tears still flows. My vision became blur with the tears in my eyes and everything ends with a sweet message from Darling.

Okay, I know Darling isn't that good-looking anymore when he's botak =X

♥ MrsLaoshu signing off

Countdown.. 5 4 3 2 1

2008-12-09T05:12:00.001+08:00

Few more hours to go before Darling reports to the Civil Defence Camp. I've been acting bravely in front of everyone. Believing I could do all these by my own. Yea, even I thought I could too.

As the time passes, meaning departure is closer then I realised I'm lying to myself. We seldom leave each other you see. Almost lived and spent all our nights together for 3years. Suddenly, the one sleeping next to you every single night isn't there anymore..

Just the thoughts made my heart sunk. Might be exaggerating to some but.. Since young, I couldn't leave people whom I get used to. Even staying at relative's house with all the familiar faces around me, I would tear and not sleep a wink.

I know it sound stupid. The useless me.. Disappointing everyone's hopes in me. Indeed I've grown, but definitely not in this. All asleep leaving only me here staring at the screen typing.

The protected me isn't being protected anymore. The little girl being pampered by family since young has to fend for herself now. Uh huh, that's how I felt.

♥ MrsLaoshu signing off

2008-12-05T05:46:00.000+08:00

Just reached home from Sabai Sabai. Woooooh! Their liveband rocks! They can sing and dance very well. Especially their group dance, simply ROCKS! Lucky Uncle and his friend are there, can help us negotiate with the bouncer. Ha!

Darling thought their age limit was 18 but end up guys 23 and girls 18. Lucky I can still fake that person but Darling gave him his IC and end up being rejected. The last time he went can get in but now maybe wear 3-quarter so look younger. Still, can go in la. Thanks to Uncle and his friend.

Oh, saw Jimmy uncle there too. Kinda shocked when I saw him. And yeah, heard 97 closed already. So sad! I like there alot. Their liveband can bring up the atmosphere fast but just that they got those techno.

Though its that short 1hour, but still I had fun. Thanks to everyone, especially Uncle Jack and Aunt Joey. For helping us in and looking after my 2kids for that 1long hour.

Uh yea, Zenfred went for his immunisation and 3month assessment today. As I hope, everything is fine. Hopefully, he won't have any fever these 2days as kids tends to have fever after injection.

All along I thought the red patches behind his neck are rashes due to clothes tags. To my surprise, the doctor said its birthmark. When he's born, his doctor did tell me that there's a little light red patch on his forehead which is a birthmark but he didn't tell me that his neck has it too. Luckily it will disappear as he slowly grows up.

He's already 3months old, with a weight of 5.2kg and 56cm tall. Average of a kg per month. Glad that everything is fine and he's growing up healthily. Looking forward when he's 4months old when I can feed him baby food. Hahahahaaa!

♥ MrsLaoshu signing off

2008-12-05T00:52:00.001+08:00

What the hell am I thinking about [?]! I actually regretted giving birth to Zenfred cause I can't go drinking. (-.-) I know its wrong to think this way but I never even planned to give birth to him in the first place.

Forget about that since I already accepted it and my mood is back to normal. But my temperamental mood and attitudes are back - No reasons, no why.

One of the reasons might link to Darling's enlistment. Friends suggest him using our kids as excuse to get off the enlistment yet I disagree. I thought that every guy should have a NS life as it is what every man in Singapore goes through and if he don't, a part of life will be deleted from his memory. Besides that, my personal opinion is "Only after 2years of NS life then a guy can be considers A MAN."

Of cause, some people might not agree with that but there's what I believe in. Yea, I think this way with my heart telling me I can't bear with him. After his enlistment, I will be handling 2kids and everything alone. Moreover, staying at his house. That's the pressure and stress I'm facing.

There's really too much for me to take it. Everything is cooped inside me. Uh-huh, that's me! I hate to feel weak about myself and I rather keep quiet than to tell others. Hoping I can find solutions to solve the problem instead of troubling others. Despite knowing there's alot of 'YOU' out there willing to be there for me but still I can't.

Ever since I had Benfred, I stopped contacting my friends. There's a feeling in me. That kinda of self-despise and inferior feeling.. I dread meeting people as I fear troubling them. With a kid, its definitely noisier. I dislike comments like 'So embarrassing or even 'Lose face'. And that's the reason why I seldom bring kids out with friends.

There's so much mixed emotions with me. I'm confused, so so confused. When I thought everything was stable and fine, things goes wrong..........

♥ MrsLaoshu signing off

2008-12-02T02:29:00.001+08:00

16hours of sleep, Shiok! Full of energy now, Ha. Uh yea, birthday is over and I'm officially 17 now. Thanks people, for all the wishes and efforts! Every small little message makes my day :D

Though yesterday wasn't a really good day but I'm still touched. Wasn't really happy throughout the day, with all the quarrels, misunderstandings and attitudes. Its not anybody's fault but him. The one and only HIM.

Nevermind, I will forget the unhappiness and just remember the fun we had. Met up with Uncle, Auntie and cousins again for prawning yesterday. Pictures shows it all :)

Tampines Mall

23 Nov-Home

27 Nov-Bishan, prawning

29 Nov-Gran's place

30 Nov-Birthday

♥ MrsLaoshu signing off

2008-11-28T01:04:00.004+08:00

Turning 17 in 2days time and yet I'm totally unexcited for it. No why, but just don't feel like celebrating when there's so much problems. Uh, yeah. Darling will be enlisted soon after my birthday. Lucky for him, posted to Civil Defence. With Gerald in there, he should be getting on fine.

Felt real exhuasted today after helping mum out the whole yesterday especially when I'm lack of sleep. But yet we didn't returned home to rest. Instead we met up with Uncle, Auntie and cousins for prawning.

Its was raining heavily but we did have fun. Saw my Secondary school mate there. Eh, Yanping if I remembered correctly. If she didn't shout for me, guess I wouldn't even remember her. Er yea, she changed alot. For the better or worse I'm not sure but on the appearance definitely much.

Reaching home at around 6am leading me straight knock out. Couldn't even wake up to collect my stuffs. Lucky Darling collected for me. Chatted with Cheryl a little just now. There's a busybody poking her nose into our affairs and yet dare to criticise us as 'birds of a feather flock together'.

You know who you are. There's no point why you should poke your nose into our affairs. Yea, indeed we are young mothers and we shouldn't be leading this kind of life at this age. So, what's the big deal? We did make a mistake when we're young but at the least, we admitted our mistake and carry on our life teaching the next generation how to be a better person. I did regret letting myself sinking into this situation but what's the point? Life wouldn't become better by regretting and it depends on the person itself to have motivation. My motivation comes from my kids and families. Without them, my life wouldn't be filled with happiness and satisfaction either. Will abortting them makes my life so much better? Let me tell you, it won't! My life will only be filled with remorse and guilt for destroying an inocent life. No matter how much you criticise or despise, I won't be affected but remember, you are wasting your own time and brain cells. Get a life la girl. And yeah. If you're angry or cursing, that's good. I just wanna make you feel this way. Still, one day you will understand.

♥ MrsLaoshu signing off

2008-11-25T19:49:00.000+08:00

Mio are really lousy. In fact, alot of people agreed on that but just that I realised it too late. Modem kept spoiling and Singtel don't even have the stock for it. Got to go all the way to Paya Lebar for the manufactorer. Must be too many people kept changing thats why its out of stock. Hmm.. Should be.

Anyway, anyone interested in duo mascara, lip sticks, lip gloss, eyeshadow, perfumes and even creams for protecting your face and lips. I've got lobangs for it. Definitely cheaper than the shopping centre! Even I couldn't resist the temptation. Heeeeeesss....

There's a lipstick which is kinda interesting. There's 6 in a set. And when you apply it on your lips, the colour will change as your mood changes due to the chemistry in our body. But don't worry, it won't change to black or any odd colour. It will only appear in shades of red.
Not really sure if anyone is interested therefore didn't get those pictures. There's alot of choices with affordable prices. TRUST ME! You won't regret-LIKE ME :)

Any enquiries, feel free to contact me!

♥ MrsLaoshu signing off

2008-11-21T04:04:00.000+08:00

I've finally realised how hard it is to start a career. There's really a lot of hard work, perserverance and determintaion required. Begining of the day, I'm so full of confidence and motivation. Less than an hour, I feel like giving up.

It sounds like I'm someone so weak. Falling that easily but there's just too much obstacles. Especially when Singaporeans are to the extreme. Under the hot sun when no one are willing to help out and yet still being scolded by the competitors.

My confidence, motivation and energy dropped to the lowest point. I really want to give up and just go home. I find myself so helpless and small. Luckily today we managed to find someone who's willing to take in 30bottles. If everything goes well, we can deliver to his shop everyday.

Still, this is only a small little step. We still need to find more people to take in our drinks. I know its hard as we've just started. But if we managed to earn, we will definitely increase our things to make it more pleasant and attractive.

When things seem to picking up, we tried to promote by selling door to door. Yet again, its so depressing. Though it doesn't seems so bad compared to outdoor sales but I'm really disappointed.

We've got plans and dreams but it's really so hard to achieve it. Darling's idea isn't that bad but at times I've got no choice but to wonder if it really will work out. Out of 7 people, 6 people won't have cravings at night. So what should we do?

This really gives me a memorable lesson. People always wanted their own career, realised their dreams and be a boss sitting down doing nothing while money rolls into their pocket. Come on, it won't happen unless you really do something to it. You got to really put in a lot of hard work and effort.

Whatever it is, this shall be a precious experience. Hopefully things will be better for the upcoming days. Anyway, thanks people for helping me with the survey, giving me your precious comments and suggestions. I shall work hard and not fall easily! GOGOGO, JIAYOU JIAYOU JIAYOU !!

♥ MrsLaoshu signing off

2008-11-17T23:10:00.001+08:00

Darling's enlistment letter has arrived. 9'th December. Just 3more weeks to settle everything that we should. Time is really running out and I hadn't get a single thing done. Kids and money are both a problem.

Had a discussion with mum and she suggest that we start our own business. Well, obviously its hard when there's only left with me. Luckily, there's mum helping me with those solutions. Really hope that everything will work out for us.

There's really nothing I can do except praying and praying. I don't yearn for lots of money or big bungalow. All I want is our own small flat where everything is stable. A peaceful life, should I say?

Realised that there's alot of different people out there. Different people with all kinds of stares looking at us. Is it a crime to be a young mother? I really don't understand what some of those people out there are thinking. Though I'm not loaded, still I gave my kids the best. Be it milk formula or education. At the least, I'm willing to take up the responsibilities.

Listen up, if I were to be given a chance to turn back the time, I will still stick to my decision instead of aborting my kids! You can never feel the bond between me and my kids and neither can you know the satisfaction looking at children growing up. From a piece of white paper to a toddler knowing everything that he ought to. Come on, get a life instead of poking your nose into people's affair!

Still, things aren't so bad. There are still people out there whom's really concerned about us. I know who you people are and thanks for everything! You people needn't feel bad. Though you people can't help much, but I feel better everytime after those words. All these are enough to keep me going!

And here, Happy birthday to my dearest sis! Though we didn't get to celebrate our birthday together, but I'm glad that you had fun on that day. You had fun at Jazz while I had fun at V3. We may not be together but its enough knowing we both are thinking about each other. Bonn voyage and remember all our presents!
I Love You!

♥MrsLaoshu signing off

2008-11-08T01:57:00.002+08:00

Till now, the nightmare is vividly on my mind. I had no idea why. Its really scary!!I'm not thinking too much neither am I imagining things.

The images of you and her... Those messages, those scenes of hugs and kisses, checking into the hotel, bathing together, making love and checking out from the hotel... All the scenes are flashing across my mind one by one, again and again.
You may claim that its unreal, its just a dream or maybe my imagination. But why does it seems so real?

In the dream, my heart seems to be dead. I'm feeling hurt deep inside but I ain't crying. I don't seem to hate you anymore. People kept asking me to scold you, beat you but my hands just wouldn't do it.

People around us are all looking at you with those stares. I ought to feel happy when they helped me but instead I felt sad for you.
In my dream, you didn't really explain clearly if you did have any feelings for her. But I guess you did. If you don't love her, why waste money going to the hotel?
I may be looking too much into it. But it really scare the hell outta me. I didn't even wish to wake up. I wanted to carry on my dreams and see what's really happening.

Its not the first time I'm having this kind of dream. It happened a few times already. What does it prove?

I'm really afraid to lose you or are those dreams telling me something?
Come on, someone.. Give me an answer please!
However, if I'm really afraid to lose you, why did my heart seems to be dead in the dreams?

If its real, I guess you really let me down utterly..After all that I've done for you, your family and our kids, you are hurting me fucking deeply.

I know what are you thinking. You must be grumbling and cursing me for making a fuss over a dream. But I couldn't help it. Just like the woman who tell me she can't help but falling in love deeply for you.

Well, if its just my imagination, my dream or I'm simply thinking too much, forget about it then.. I really need your care and concern to lighten up my spirits. Your coax, your hugs and your kisses can just let me forget everything and be with you.

And that's the reason why in the first place I'm willing to put down all that I have to be with you. Let go of all my ego and pride just to be suffering.
Still.. You yourself knows the answer best.

♥MrsLaoshu signing off

2008-11-07T12:46:00.005+08:00

Had a nightmare just now. I swear this nightmare really scare the hell outta me. There's no ghost, monsters nor creatures. Only me, Darling and my families. It seems so real. So damn real that I'm still thinking about it now. I'm so confused! So confused over dreams and reality. What you are seeing may not be true and what we imagine may just be real.

ARGHHHHHHHH... ... I'm going crazy thinking of all these. But wait.. Just 1 more thing-Why didn't I cry in my dreams when I ought to be?

Forget it! Stop wasting my brain cells! Anyway, I'm looking forward to 15'th Nov! By right should be able to meet Fen Sis there. But by left, she changed her mind, not to head for V3. We really got no fate huh?

Mahjong mahjong on Tuesday and Thursday. Won on Tuesday but lost on Thursday. No luck. How good if I will only win and not lose? HAHAHA.

Oh yea, Darling is not working anymore due to the damn boss. And I respect his decision! He and all his friends are serving National Service soon. Except for Gerald who's already in, the rest are all in December. Hopefully, one of them will be in the same camp as Darling. And he kept wanting to grow his hair for 1 last month. Stupid him! Let's see how fast can it grow then..

♥ MrsLaoshu signing off

2008-11-02T13:03:00.001+08:00

Enough! I had enough of EVERYTHING!!!

What are you trying to prove?
Im not important or Im not good?
No one ever put themselves in my shoes and you're included.
So what's the point of me trying to do everything I could.
No matter how much I do, its still the same.
You are being unfair to me.

Screwed screwed screw up FAMILIES!

Families are supposed to help each other.
Families ought to be nice to each other.
Families are there when you need them.
Families are always important for they are your only kins.

BULLSHIT! Whole loads of CRAPS!

They will only help if they are happy.
They aren't caring nor nice at all, but they do care about themselves.
They always put themselves before others.
To them, only they are important.
Others towards them are just SHIT.

So what's the point of having families like that? All the close ones around me are all like that. They are such a great disappointment.

You really let me down.

♥MrsLaoshu signing off

2008-10-28T00:56:00.002+08:00

Gathering with mum just now. Bought 7cups of bubble tea when we can just drink for free. I know we are crazy but I prefer being the customer. Haha. Customers are always right.

There's peach yogurt, chocolate snowshake, green apple snowshake, lemon ice blend, strawberry ice blend and pearl milktea. Peach yogurt wasn't that bad but they didn't blend it and it was so watery sweet. No good! The snowshakes didn't taste good either. The chocolate didn't even melt and the green apple was so bland. Pearl milktea was even worse! Totally taste like red tea lor. Only the lemon ice blend and strawberry ice blend still edible.

This is the website for the bubble tea shop.
http://www.sbestfood.com/thatminicafe.htm
They did win award and I really wonder how they do it. When I went to the site, I realised you can just nominate yourself -.-

Chatting with mum really felt good. At least we got to know each other better. Anyway, mum wanna join us for drinking next month. Gotta find someone to look after my kids on that day. Who wanna volunteer? Help me out!

Talking to Primary school friends now. They really remembered all the things that happened in the past. Surprising eh, after 5years and they can still remember everything clearly. Felt super bad, I almost forget everything. Nevermind, they are always here to help me get back my memory.

Jonas still said we were quite close in the past, but I totally got no idea at all. Oh my.. And oh ya, I forgot to mention in the last post that Michelle isn't cute at all! She kept wanting us to agree she's cute. The worst thing was she actually forced Benfred to say she's cute! Can you believe it? Wahahahaa.

Sometimes it really feel good to be talking to old friends. In the past, life wasn't so stress. Just going to school, going home, talk and play. Whenever they mention about something in the past, part of my memory will come back. At least I can remember some of the things now. Like going swimming, travelling to China and giving out fliers to Mercedes. Thanks people for regaining my memory.

After graduating from Primary school, I still kept in touch with my old friends. But slowly, we became distant. When Benfred was born, its even worse. I totally didn't contact them nor meet them. Even when we were on the streets, we wouldn't stop and say 'Hi'. Guess there's a barrier in me. But now, I can't wait to meet all my friends again. So.. Come come and be friends again!

Will me and my friends be like this in the future too?

♥MrsLaoshu signing off

2008-10-26T06:16:00.003+08:00

Met up with Fen to Tampines Mall and Century Square. Each pushing a pram. Everyone on the streets were looking at us like we were some kind of idiots. Pissed off with those onlookers, as if they had never seen people pushing a pram before. In other countries, girls younger than me are already a mother of don't know how many kids. But some people are just that 'sua ku'- typical Singaporeans.

And so we headed to 445 to meet Jaslyn and Michelle. Our TNPS gathering. Its been ages ever since we all meet up. Like 3years plus can. They really surprised me, even bought presents for my kids. Really talked alot about the past and our life but mostly on mine. *Grins*

Realised time really flies. Each of us have different lifestyle now. Jaslyn still the same, with the high pitched voice but more mature thinking. As for Michelle, she definitely grown prettier with a outgoing character. She used to be more quiet and shy but now she's super loud and funny.

We are all sitting at a square near 445 laughing and talking like nobody's business. Discussing about our ex classmates, schoolmates and some memorable people. And till now, I can't believe that she never change at all after sooooo many years. These girls really make my day!

Afterall our clique is still incomplete without Sabrina. She is such a good girl studying for her O' levels. Nevermind la, we promised to meet up 2weeks later after her O' levels. By then it better be a complete clique gathering.

I've been thinking about the past. The quarrels we used to have, the outings we planned together and even the fights. Though we were the best of friends last time, but we do pinch and box each other. Sabrina used to be the toughest. Her pinch and punch will always leave a blue black on me and Michelle's arms. We the 4girls will also meet up for swimming sessions after school to tan ourselves. But after each swimming session, I will definitely get a scolding from dad for making myself so tanned. Still, I enjoyed it alot. Used to meet Michelle at her house, play around, hang around at the playground and stuffs. Jaslyn used to stay near my house. We would wake up early just to meet each other, walk to school and walked back home together. At times I will also go up her house, have a talk or something. Those times are really memorable and irreplacable. We enjoyed the company of one another be it under the sun or under the stars.

I'm really glad to meet them in my life. Jaslyn, Michelle, Sabrina, Sufen, Jingru, Pei Rong and Pei Jie. Guess these are the only people I'm still keeping contact with from Primary school. Did mention about Pei Jie and Pei Rong, the popular twins in our Primary school. They changed alot, becoming prettier. Our friendship got abit closer too as we never really talk in Primary school. Saw Pei Rong on Wednesday at 503. She's such a sweet girl buying lunch over for her boyfriend. Hopefully, one day we could all meet up.

Realised we took damn lots of photos today. I've never ever taken so much photos in a day before. These girls really broke my record. Ha! Its like I've got 20 over photos lor. This post must be a super duper long one. Don't believe? Here you go!

Girls, thanks for today.
Accompaning me to Tampines Mall and to 445 and then back home.
It must be tiring on you all.
Its always good to have friends around.
Enjoying the fun and laughter together.
No matter what, we won't forget each other.
FRIENDS FOR LIFE !

♥MrsLaoshu signing off

2008-10-24T02:01:00.003+08:00

Went to help mum out the whole yesterday. Met up with old schoolmate and realised I've forgotten almost all my schoolmates. Even I saw them on the streets, I may not be able to recognise them too.

Caught up alot, getting what I missed out. Schoolmates and friends seems to be far. The talk, laughter is gone and what's that left is only memories and hi-bye. Nevermind, good friends are there no matter what. 1 best friend can't be compared to 5normal hi-bye friends. Isn't it?

Finding myself so sick and tired of everything. A life like that isn't what I'm asking for. Why are life so contradicting? I know its all my own fault. All the advice and help that others gave me in the past are falling on deaf ears. Now the regrets are serving me right.

I can't live with a family like that. Going mad thinking of all these. There's no one I could tell my problems to. Even if I do, what can they do to help. I want them to have their punishments but there are other factors that I need to consider. Maybe letting go of our relationship may help, but is that fair to Darling? I don't want to make the issue big either, but who will think for us if I don't. Money won't drop from heaven. People gotta work to earn their own keeping. Here we are scrimping and saving and yet on the other hands people kept stealing our hard earned money. Fair towards us?

I'm trying damn hard to control my temper so that I won't curse nor spam my vulgarities here. If I could turn the time back, I guess I won't be here blogging about those bastards. I do want to confront them and make them come back to their senses. But how, if I really do, things would be really bad. Should I really just keep quiet and let them continue making my life sucks then?

I'm losing my control. They better pay for their wrongs if not I won't let them go. Anyway, shall update some other day. Time for pictures!

Benfred and Rachel

Hmm. What you think about the cap Benfred is wearing? Yes, you - the one reading. There's alot of different colors, as in plain one color instead of so colorful like Benfred's. Wanna buy one for your siblings, relatives or friends' kids? Let me know or enquire at http://www.dolluphse.blogspot.com/.

Anyway, the last picture is taken by Benfred while I'm on phone. He do have a gift of being photographer huh?

♥MrsLaoshu signing off