Life's been awesomely great. Losing almost everything in an instance. Sometimes, I looked back and think if everything is worth it. Officially 19' already, yet no achievements in life. The past 19years that I've lived are just pure wastage of time. Thought I could slowly make a mark in my future, trying to build up my foundation financially but all I flunked everything, not academically in studies but everything in life.
Whatever that happened are past, and I shall just let bygones be bygones. Gonna put all my attention on the present and future! "Fate" is always used when someone couldn't find a reason to accept the failure. Well, if this is what fate have for us, I believe destiny is what we create.
Anyway, back to my life. Since November, it's been drink, drank, drunk till now. Birthday celebration and chilling sessions are all there. I'm not trying to be a bad example to my kids but one fine day, I believe they will reach this stage too. Already wasted all my teenage life, am only left with 2years, and I'm officially 21. Of course I would want to treasure all my teenage life, playing around while I still can. People whom gone through everything with me will definitely understand me.. I don't expect everyone to be sharing the same view with me, nor agree with me, but at the least just put yourself in my shoes before giving me sarcastic remarks.
Am a mother since the age of 15, 4years past. Slowly, the pressure on me is increasing. People tends to look and comment on how you teach your child, how you raise your child. Especially when you're a young and single mother. Naturally, their first impression would be that I'm a bad example to all the other young women out there, a irresponsible mother and a bad influence to my kids. Well, no matter how well I did, no one would actually say "You're good". Once you made a wrong move, they would all comment you and say "You're not good enough". How cruel can this world be.. I've slowly come to my senses. One day, I might just be able to prove them wrong. Anyway, Benfred is now having chicken pox and I believe very soon, Zenfred will be next. Would rather they have it now then in the future I think. Thus, didn't get bring them out, and had no chance to take any pictures of them either. All that I've was the earlier ones which I didn't have the time to upload. Ben is on the verge of recovering already. During this period of time, he's still very active and noisy. Chicken pox seems to be the trend now. His school already had 7cases of chicken pox and recently one of my friend, Sitoh also got it. Oh yea, supposed to attend her Birthday celebration today, but due to the poxies that she had, it's canceled. Though it's canceled, but still wanna wish her Happy 19'th Birthday and may she recover soon without any scars on her. 12years of friendship and still counting on alright! Cheers =D Valencia is already 6months old in another 4more days! She can already turn her body to her side, trying to turn around. When we lie her down on her tummy, she's able to raise her head up and look around too. Mum had started feeding her some cereal or brown rice I think. Doctors think that she's too small-sized, hopefully all the feeding will be able to help in increasing her weight. She loves to smile too, especially when someone is there, next to her accompanying her, playing with her.
I know everyone is concerned over my relationship. Thought it over seriously and carefully. Yea, perhaps my relationship with the kids' dad should be officially over. I do agree that all these years, the ups-and-downs that we gone through are way too much that it's actually a waste to give up on this relationship. But the hurt both parties endure, both parties inflicted are also way too much for a relationship to work. These 5years are actually filled with the happy and sad moments, something not every couples can go through. Though it will all be ended and perhaps one day, no one will ever remember all these, but still it will be kept as a special memory somewhere deep in my heart.. Still, I wish that everything will be going on fine for him, hoping he would one day find someone whom he truly love and will truly love him like I did before.
Secondly, I would like to clarify that I'm not giving up that relationship because of another relationship. All along, the problems we had was not something everyone could understand. I appreciate those whom understands me, stood by me but also, thanks to those whom hated me, despise me for you made me a stronger person.
