I've been neglecting my blog ever since I started Facebook. A habit to just publish a status, or a photo directly. Thanks for the concern everyone gave. Received calls and texts checking to see if I'm fine. Yea, I'm still surviving. No worries peeps!
3 little kiddos is taking turns to fall sick, one after one. Struggling to juggle between so much stuffs. Wondering if I'm really able to hang on. Days without sufficient sleep were a torture. Even now, I can feel my eyelids getting heavier. Life's been mundane for the entire month but at least, enjoyable I guess.
Had been thinking quite a lot recently, reminiscing the past, looking back on the things I've done. The Shirley whom once not afraid of relationships, able to stand firm no matter what happens had now become so sensitive and paranoid. Sometimes, I just can't seem to find the courage to pursue something I yearn for. Or maybe someone like me should just stand aside and only have the chance to envy. Mixed emotions all bottled up, not knowing how to release. Sick of putting up a brave front, faking smiles and laughter, facing hypocrites and yet at the end of the day, I'm still all alone.
Felt like a failure, wasted all my time thinking I could depend on a relationship only to realize there's nothing in this world that could last a lifetime. Awaken from my dreams but still, life has gotta move on. Perhaps, it's all fated.. Given a second chance, I might still go through the same thing. If love was a game, I'm defeated - by 'you'..
Nevertheless, I'm still as passionate and lively. I believe we will all turns stronger the next time we emerge. Yes, I did. I successfully turned my life drastically into something so dramatic. If only life is easier.. Without judges and remarks. I'm egoistic and I've high self-esteem. Which is why I couldn't go all out just to strive for the happiness I yearned. Take it that I'm a bitch, who goes round messing people's life upside down.. I would never forget the day I saw you again, and that's the day you stepped into my world - 15/10/2010.
Okay, enough of my preaches. Kiddies are fine, just that they kept falling sick. Valencia is still very small sized, 4months with the weight of 5.1kg, wearing Newborn Sized clothes. Drinking only 125ml per feed. She smiles quite often now, but tends to cry easily too. Oh ya, her eyes are turning from grey to brown too. Finally one of them has inherited the genes of their dad's. Zen is having fever now. Though he might be very bad tempered and is having attitude problems, but he's such a sweet cutie. Had been trying to talk to him more often, asking him questions so that he's able to speak up more. Not sure if he can get a place successfully over at Ben's school next year but I hope so. At least, that would be able to help him overcome the difficulties he had in speech. Ben is already Nursery this year. Soon, Kindergarten 1. He's quite independent, able to settle everything on his own. But somehow I feel he's quite sensitive, not only to whatever that happen to us, but also to others. He picks up things easily which makes him easily influenced by others. Trying to correct him, putting in the right values into him. With that soft-spoken character of his, it's hard talking to him without him crying.
Phone crashed the last time I tried SSH-ing. Though managed to backup, but all the pictures are still gone. Recently, hadn't been spending much time with them either. Hopefully, pictures will be up the next time I update. I promise, it ain't gonna take long.
