Yes, daybreak soon and here I am, still not asleep. Wondering if I'm too stressed or tensed that I just can't sleep. Realized I've been tearing everyday without fail, having mood swing even more often. I hate the weak me feeling this way but I just can't help it. I know how much my family cares about me, worrying about me yet I can't do anything to ease them. Why can't the one that I cares about the most understand me? The effort I put in, the suffers I swallows. Once and once, I had the urge to just leave but I know I can't be that irresponsible cause' it ain't gonna solve anything. Duh~
Changed a new blogskin and it took up almost my whole afternoon. Used the kids' photo as the header as I think its the best way to let others understand why I created this blog for. Finally, I'm quite satisfied with this blog. Anyway, while editing the blogskin, accidentally erase the old one and all my links are gone. So if I missed out any of your links, I'm sorry as I can only manage to recover some. Drop me a tag and I'll link you back alright (: I wanna love my blog like how I used to and update every one another day. I really really want to! Yet, there's no motivation for me to. Whenever I logged in, I would stare at the monitor for a very long time and nothing came to my mind. Not really nothing to update but just that, sometimes its hard to update about the situation.
Well, thought of making up my mind and just go ahead with it. No matter how tough it is, how sad it gonna turn out, I won't change my mind again. Else, it gonna be history repeating itself and everyone has gotta change their lifestyle again. No no.. I've done this once and I'm not gonna do it again. Might be confusing for those that have no idea about what I'm talking about but if you ask me, I might tell you privately as I just can't spell it all out here, sorry. I'm going for the appointment later. Yes, I'm so tense and afraid. No one's accompanying me there. I don't wanna disturb anyone and neither one of my friends know about this. This time, there will only be me facing this all by my own. I feel so hurt whenever Mum talked to me. I can feel her concern but once and once, I made her feel upset. This is not anyone's fault but mine. When she tell me how hurt she felt, how much she blames herself, I wish I could tell her aloud that I love her and its not her mistakes... Tears can only roll down my cheeks and words all cooped in.
Only after so much things happened, then I realized how ignorant I am. Not treasuring the loved ones around me. Being so childish thinking that freedom is everything. Sometimes, I can't help it but wonder why is it me. Why can't my parents love each other instead of quarreling everyday. Just like any other girls, I yearn for a simple family too. One that doesn't need to be rich but with love and care. Though Dad and Mum both are leading a different life with a different partner, I understand that this might be the best for both of them. After all, forcing themselves to be with each other cause' of kids doesn't seem to be a nice idea. No matter what, I still love them for they're my parents and in this world, the only thing that can't be change or choose is kinship.
Wow, I've side-tracked really much. Talking about all those random stuffs that might let others yawn. Alright, back to my 2 little darlings. Initially, Benfred already kicked off his pacifier habit but recently he just snatches his brother's pacifier and sucked it. This often cause the 2 of them to fight over the pacifier. Took quite a long time to let him kick off the habit but now it came back again -.- No choice but to buy a new one for him. I've already made it clear to him that I am not going to let him touch the pacifier sooner or later. He's old enough not to let the pacifier overtake him. Regarding his toilet training, he can fully understand what's the meaning of going to toilet already. Whenever he needs the toilet, be it for what purposes, he can speak his mind clearly. For the whole afternoon till bedtime, he doesn't need to rely on diapers anymore and I think that's a pretty good thing. By this age, he should have already been toilet trained but previously I wasn't that free to teach him. Now that he has master it, I feel quite glad too. Currently, teaching him 'A for Apple, B for Boy, C for Cat and D for Dog'. His memory is pretty good but just that he's too active. I've problems making him sitting down listening to me. So till how, he can only remember till D. Zenfred is getting naughtier too. Tends to scream for food and toys already. He loves going in the bathroom to play with water =.= Next time, will have to close the door so he can't get inside already. He can points to you whatever he wants and also let you know how is he feeling. Be it soiled diapers or thirsty, he knows how to let us know. He also understands what we're saying. When I asked for his pacifier, he would hand it to me. When I ask him for a toy, he will pick it up and bring to me. He loves to take my phone and put it on ear although he still doesn't know how to say 'Hello'. I will try to post more pictures and videos about their daily life =D
Wow, 6:21am?! Gotta hit the sack for now else I won't be able to wake up in time for my appointment. Be back to catch my updates and pictures ♥
