I've just completed the post on Benfred's performance and I spent almost hours (to be exact, I dragged almost 2days) on it. So lack of sleep nowadays but still I'm not tucking myself under the blanket.
Easily fustrated nowadays and the one whom always suffered is still Darling. No idea why. The tiny weeny little things that he do can make me kick up a big fuss over it. Even if he did nothing, my attitude towards him is still like that.
I've already got so used to life without him, being independent and everything but now, he's on medical leave till this Friday. Almost a week. I ought to be happy isn't it? Just that the stress, pressure and everything is pushing me, till I couldn't breathe anymore. I felt our relationship changed, but I couldn't figure out what had changed. Maybe I'm not as good as what people always complimented, 'a good and understand girlfriend'.
About what Passerby123 asked, I guess it's not responsibilities that kept us going on. I don't need him to take up the responsibilty anyway. In the past, I always thought that without him, I couldn't survive. I was wrong, so so wrong. Without him, I can still bring up my kids, handling everything alone, get on with whatever I'm doing. Those days that he's working, in camp, outside hanging around, I still get on fine, isn't it?
To me, it's a habit, a used to. We are so used to sleeping together, living together and seeing each other. We can know what each other want even without telling. I ever thought if he really loved me or is he just can't get used to life without me. Well, I could never get the answer from the mouth.
Remembered a message he sent me yesterday, 'I want to be with you till the day I die.' Easy to say, easy to send. I never ever believed in true love ever since I started dating. I simply can't trust man! There are too many real life examples. Sad to say, my dad is one of them. That's also one of the reasons why after having 2kids yet still we aren't married.
"One day, he will leave me for another", this thinking never left me before.
We(maybe only me) never used to have these kinds of problems in the past. Why, till the stage when everything couldn't be turned back... then I started to lose faith and trust?
Aren't supposed to be thinking that much anyway. Since he says he loved me, I ought to believe him. I will try, treating it as an investment, slowly putting back my trust into him.
Uh, I've got loads of photos to upload but... I'm pure lazy! Will try to upload them once I can.
P/S - What a random and senseless post *Rolls eyes*
♥MrsLaoshu signing off
