Thinking back, I really shouldn't be that rash and let people affect my thoughts. I wanted an abortion isn't it, why did I changed my mind on the day before abortion. Yea, maybe because of mum. I had no intention of shirking responsibilities neither am I regretting. Its just that when I look back, I finally passed the two years of hardship bringing Benfred up. Yet now, everything's repeating and instead the hardship is doubled.
I can imagine the stress and hardship Im gonna cope with in the future but I just don't have any confidence. Even simple things like bringing two kids out may be a problem. In the past, bringing Benfred out alone is already difficult and normally I do have people like Darling, Gerald and co to help me out. This time round, two kids. One requires attentive care and the other is so active. How the hell am I gonna cope with. At home its still alright, but what if we needs to go out? We can't possibly stay at home everyday.
I really need to find a job as soon as confinement's over. Things is really getting out of hands. We used to have a stable life but now everything's crop up and we need to arrange again. Im wondering if we could do it. Sometimes, I can't just stop myself from having those negative thoughts.
Finally, I can get back my nightlife, hanging out with my friends and even go drinking. But, all of a sudden, everything's gone again. Hmm, guess another two years is needed to get back my nightlife. Sighhsssssss...
Anyway, guess Little Precious shall be named Zenfred Lim. As for his chinese name, we are still considering.
P.S-Passerby, I know I could get back my nightlife when my kids are older just like how I get back when Benfred is abit older now. I don't mind the hardship now as long as my kids are well and healthy. But I just can't stop wanting my own life back. Im 17 now. If I don't enjoy now, when am I gonna enjoy? Still, I wanna thank you for reading and sharing. To me, you're someone special. Though we aren't friends and neither do we know each other well but you're always the one reading and standing by.
♥ shir signing off
