Darling came home already half-drunk. I really wonder if he knows what he's saying or doing. Thought we sort things out already yet another quarrel came. This time round I think its just purely my fault. I should just blame myself for having a Bf not telling me anything. When I get to know things from another person's mouth, the feeling isn't the same anymore. Im really sorry to caused so much conflicts between the two brothers. I never thought they would fall out with each other. Feeling fucking guilty for all the problems and misunderstandings. Maybe I should just retreat. Life would return to normal for them. I know its difficult for Gerald for one side is his brother while the other side its me. I've known Gerald and Darling for long. The time we spent are also the same. Naturally, we are all close. I should know my limits, not saying too much to Gerald making Darling angry while asking Gerald too much making him in a difficult spot. Im willing to let go of Darling as long as things are able to return.
P/S - Gerald, I know you are in a difficult spot stuck between me and Darling. Shouldn't ask you either making them misunderstand you. Don't worry, things aren't your fault. You needn't leave either. If there should be a person to leave, it should be me. Before I came in, You and Darling are good friends. Its really not worth it to let a 6years friendship go. I know you can't bear too. Im really sorry. Sorry may not solve anything but other than that, there aren't other things I can say. Still, I gotta thank you for being there for me whenever Im feeling low. Yesterday is still a great day hanging out despite the quarrels. I will remember what you said.
P/S - Darling, things will happen till this state due to you aren't willing to tell me anything. Therefore, I gotta know through Gerald. Don't misunderstand. He's not trying to sabotage our relationship. You are his brother but you too know, Im his friend too. No matter which side he help, he will feel guilty towards the other party. Maybe we really shouldn't be together for Im causing problems between you, your friends and your work. I ain't a perfect Gf. It all happened cause I love you too much.
im learning to be strong!
♥shir signing off
